Your New Fall Television Schedule

The fall television schedule is out, and I have done you a big favor and listed the shows you will be watching. I do this out of love.

8:00 The Simpsons (9/23)
8:30 King of the Hill (9/23)
9:00 The Family Guy (9/23)
9:30 American Dad (9/30)
10:00 Curb Your Enthusiasm (9/9) The only reason not to cancel HBO, but it’s a pretty great reason. The last season finale looked like a series finale, so this was a pleasant surprise. And the season premier had Larry in top form.

8:00 Chuck (9/24) Looks like The 40 Year Old Virgin meets Alias, but could be a big lump of crap. Not sure yet.
8:30 The Big Bang Theory (9/24) 2 geeks and a hottie. My guess is that the geek humor won’t be true geek humor, but what an English major with no geeky friends thinks geek humor is. In other words, a vehicle for "normal" people to laugh at geeks. Maybe I’m wrong, but I doubt it.
9:00 Heroes (9/24)  
9:30 Rules of Engagement (9/24) Two couples and their single friend (David Spade). Looks kinda funny; hopefully it’s another Just Shoot Me. If you don’t have a way of watching/recording two shows, obviously you’ll have to drop this for Heroes.
10:00 Journeyman (9/24) This looks seriously cool, if only because it stars Lucius Vorenus from Rome. And if you haven’t seen Rome, get it on DVD. An incredible $100M+ production, with no shortage of sex, violence, and damn good writing and acting.

8:00 Bones (9/25) If you’re short on time, you can skip this. It’s not as cool as X-Files, or as well written as House, but it’s alright.
9:00 House (9/25) The season finale was a big "WTF???" so this is highly anticipated. I’m hoping the new staff is filled by any number of out of work TV hotties: Elisha Cuthbert, Catherine Bell, Eliza Dushku, Jeri Ryan, Jolene Blaylock, Lucy Liu, Michelle Trachtenberg, Mila Kunis (voice work doesn’t count), or Laura Prepon. With David Cross playing an analyst-therapist (or analrapist, as they’re known in the medical field).
9:00 Reaper (9/25) I initially wrote this off after reading the synopsis: a comedy about a guy who’s parents sold his soul to the devil, so he now has to work for him as a bounty hunter. It’s on the CW, and I was never into Buffy or Angel or Supernatural. But I just found out the pilot is being directed by Kevin Smith, so at least the first episode will be worth watching.

8:00 Pushing Daisies (10/3) Jury’s out on this, too. I do like the concept of a guy who can bring back the dead, but only uses that power to pick up some extra cash. It just screams underachiever.
9:00 Bionic Woman (9/26)  

8:00 Smallville (9/27) Is Lana alive?!? Wait, don’t answer that!
8:00 Scrubs (10/25) Final season 🙁
8:30 30 Rock (10/4) If you weren’t impressed at the start of last season, this got way funnier as the season progressed. And Catrina Bowden is crazy hot.
9:00 The Office (9/27)  
10:00 It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (9/13) Two episode premier!

8:00 Next Great American Band (10/19) Produced and written (the scripted parts, at least) by The Crack Team’s own Agent Mystery! Destined to be the best show on television, winning multiple Emmys and getting all team members of The Crack Team totally laid (details pending, but it will probably involve groupies, mistaken identities, and shenanigans). Click the link to check out the Agent Hulagun-designed MySpace page.
9:00 Moonlight (9/28) Alternate title: Count Dracula, Private Eye. Eh, it’s vampires, so I’m in it for the goth chicks.

6 thoughts on “Your New Fall Television Schedule”

  1. Must comment on your wonderful public service. No more time wasted trying to find the pearls among the swine (huh??) but using your guide as a tally of how many hours I’m saving by not watching TV.

    Just kidding, of course. I’ll be sampling. I won’t even make a significant mention of my one guilty pleasure: Survivor: China (run-on colons !!) because it looks to be a total waste of time. I’ll be watching.

    As to incidental perks, some CT members are already getting some action, as they are married (hmmm…. this could be an oxymoron) but in any case we may have to pass on the promise of the libido layups and just settle in to watch “Next Great American Band.” Congratulations to agent Mystery; the hits just keep on coming……

  2. I’m guessing Survivor: China involves dumping some opinionated fools in China where they immediately get arrested for political reasons and must survive the Chinese legal system and prisons. I might watch that, provided Richard Gere isn’t involved.

  3. Don’t forget that Always Sunny is back! It starts this week. Thursdays @ 10pm on FX!

    I am kinda sad that Entourage and Flight of the Conchords are on their last episodes, but I’m excited about the Fall line-up. Damn, I need a life.

  4. Flight of the Conchords is brilliant. I especially love Rhys Darby’s character. He reminds me a little of Stephen Merchant’s character in Extras.

    Otherwise, the fall schedule looks promising! Heroes is kicking butt, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is pumping out episodes, Curb Your Enthusiasm is still going, Smallville is taking on drastic story changes… even Journeyman is pretty cool. It’s much different than Quantum Leap.

    The only real disappointment so far has been Bionic Woman. The main character has adopted the bad-ass-saving-the-world character WAY too quickly. And it’s a little too girl-power for me.

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