Category Archives: Television

Television

NBC Schedule

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Variety reports on the new NBC schedule.

The good news is that Heroes is back, and they also have a short spin-off called Heroes: Origins. Origins will be six 1-hour shows, each showcasing a new hero we’ve never seen before. At the end of the series, you’ll be able to vote on the web for who you want added to the regular show.

They’re also adding The Bionic Woman, starring some Brit I’ve never heard of. Her name’s Michelle Ryan, and she’s looker, but doesn’t remind you at all of Lindsay Wagner. Still, from this photo, I wouldn’t mind trying out a Sleep Number bed with her:

Michelle Ryan

Gone is Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Boo! And The Black Donnely’s, which I never watched, but would have had I known Paul Haggis was behind it. Oh well.

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Rants, Technology, Television

Apple TV: crap in a lacquer box.

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The rollout of the Apple TV Appliance reminds me of a story I heard when I was a kid. It involved a man from ancient Segovia buying a donkey for his farm in Spain. He bought this highly adorned donkey for an exorbitant amount and was proudly walking it home. When he started taking off the embroidered tackle, he found the unpleasant truth: the beautiful epaulets and head-dress were hiding sightless eyes, the elaborate tassels that reached to the floor were hiding the infection in the rear legs, and the lacquered and shiny saddle was hiding a lame back on the animal.

In the same way, I hope people are not deceived by the beautiful Apple design and ergonomic, logical menus. I hope that they get to examine the crappy video image before they buy. This device succeeds in *downgrading* all image sources to make them easily available anywhere in your house. Wow.

If it’s too late and you’ve already been screwed, go ahead and use the amazing human ability to justify our mistakes. We are really good at this, gauging from the various studies that�show that our satisfaction with a crappy product decreases markedly at first and then actually increases after purchase. I think it’s our attempt to justify our mistakes and say to the world “it’s not really all that bad if you consider……” Same behavior applies to poorly conceived marriages. Be aware; beware. ��

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Rants, Television

SuperBowl for Dummies: Magnetic Moon Boots

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Some time ago, a survey was conducted to show the poor state of science education among the American Public. They asked the man-on-the-street: If you were on the moon right now, would you be standing on the surface or floating above it??? A large percentage (I forget how many) said ‘floating’ as the answer.

I think most of our CT audience knows the real answer: there is gravity on the moon, so you’d be ‘standing’ on the surface.

When the survey showed the man-on-the-streets pictures of the man-on-the-moon astronauts ‘standing’ on the surface, a second question was asked: “How is this possible??” The public came up with the classic answer: They are wearing magnetic boots.

Which brings me back to the SuperBowl FedEx advertisement showing an office on the moon, with paper and supplies (and even a dog) floating around. When the scene moves outdoors, we see astronauts ‘standing’ on the surface. Sorry folks, you can’t have it both ways. To add insult to injury, one of the astronauts then ‘jumps’ off the surface of the moon into space !!! You need a really low microgravity condition (such as is found on a relatively small asteroid) to do something like that .

I worry for the future of America. Or at least the future of the SuperBowl commercial.

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Everything Else, Rants, Television

Stephanie Edwards: Dig Dagger and Twist

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The topic of the Pasadena Rose Parade is far afield from the fare on the CrackTeam (CT) website. But I think there are enough mitigating circumstances to include the Parade in our website this year: George Lucas is the Grand Marshall, Star Wars floats on the road, 501st Stormtrooper garrison marching, CT members working just a couple of blocks from the parade route, Pasadena JPL and its role in the birth of CT, etc. etc.

I have to address one of the cruelest moments in the parade. No, it was not the disgraceful sight of Darth Vader ambling down the street waving at the crowds. Embarrassing. The Lord of the Sith should have more comtempt for the crowds; perhaps he could have pelted them with LucasFilm (TM) merchandise and completed the spectacle.

No, the cruelest moment was the comment made by Bob Eubanks while the U.S. Marine Mounted Color Guard was parading for the cameras. He mentioned that the horses are periodically retired, much like “aging commentators on TV.” He was of course referring to the absence of Stephanie Edwards from the coverage this year. Stephanie is a victim of the ol’ double standard: guys age gracefully and look more distinguished, gals just age. She was probably also experiencing the Star Trek Maxim: a new series (TNG, DS9, Voyager, Enterprise) comes up every few years because the more established actors get paid lots more and expect the salaries to keep on going up every year with a successful series. Stephanie and Bob are probably very expensive to keep, and that’s the first place you cut (according to management).
But this is a prime example of management “not having a clue.”  In TV-Land you are supposed to extract as much viewer interest as you can, for the money you are spending. I would have done a couple of “Farewell” type broadcasts and engaged the audience in that way. Having Stephanie say her goodbyes last year in the pouring rain was just NOT the way to do it. And the bad blood between KTLA and the viewers is not a good thing.

But perhaps Bob was referring to the fact that his option is coming due soon, and that perhaps he would also be let go. That would be a shame. He and Stephanie were a fixture on New Years Day morning and should be accorded some respect. But I’m sure he’ll get the Fond Farewell option (accompanying harp strings and wavering video effects, please).

One final note to KTLA management: if you want to bring the viewers in, please feel free to manipulate us. A “Final Farewell” broadcast with the old commentators would be a ratings hit. And I’d be the first dupe watching. For now, I recommend the ABC local broadcast feed; it’s the best HD feed after the KTLA offering.

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Television

TV in the Pipeline

Bionic Woman
The show is being redone by the producer/writer team that reinvented Battlestar Galactica. When I first heard about the changes to BSG, I had low expectations (Starbuck a woman???). But it turned out to be a great show. I have a feeling the same thing might happen here. Well, I don’t know if I’ll like it, but I expect to have low expectations after hearing the changes. A Variety article alluded to a reinvention so big, she might not even be a government super-agent. Just, like, a woman with a lot of shit to take care of. If so, not my cup o’ tea.

Bad Judge
Another judge show, but the first I might actually watch. At least once. Why? The judge will be Jon Lovitz, and he’ll be given free reign to preside over real cases. I’ve always liked his stuff – enjoyed his recent standup, liked his SNL characters, and loved The Critic. Let’s see how good he is unscripted.

Entourage: The Later Years
Ok, so that’s not the real name. Entourage creator Doug Ellin is working on a new show that’s supposed to answer the question, “What happens when the Entourage guys grow up?” Except it’s not in Socal, it’s in NY. And, oh yeah, he’s not an actor, he’s a Wall Street trader. The fact is, you don’t want to see a show about Vinnie Chase, day trader. But you wouldn’t mind watching the Wall Street version of Ari Gold – that would make a show.

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Humor, Technology, Television

Make love not Warcraft.

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I haven’t watched South Park in about 8 years, but last night I was flipping through channels and stopped dead on what I thought was some sort of game demo.
Turns out it was a South Park episode all about the game “World of Warcraft” and since I know some Crack Team members are into this, I had to watch it. Much of the episode includes actual gameplay.

The story line goes: There is this high level player going around killing characters for no reason. I guess that normally characters have to accept a duel before risking their characters’ lives? Well this guy is such a high level that he overrides this rule.

The staff at Blizzard Entertainment is worried because the guy can “kill” administrators’ characters, so even they can’t stop him.

Cartman and the gang figure that if they spend every waking hour for months on end (in hiding) they might reach a level high enough for the four of them to defeat him.
Can the gang of four, with the help of Stan’s dad(a noob) and Blizzard’s banned “Sword of a Thousand Truths”, defeat the serial killer?

Quotes from the show:

Blizzard staff: What kind of person would do this?
Blizzard President: Only one kind. Whoever this player is, he has played World of Warcraft nearly every hour of every day for the past year and a half. Gentlemen, we are dealing with someone here who… had absolutely no life.
Blizzard staff: How do you kill… that which has no life?

[think about that for a minute]

Blizzard staff: There are over seven million people who log on to World of Warcraft! Are you telling me all those people’s characters are going to die, and there’s nothing we can do to save them?
Blizzard President: Yes. And it won’t be long before everyone gets really really frustrated and stops playing altogether. Gentlemen, this could very well lead to the end of the World…… (of Warcraft).

Cartman:[Trying to convince others to join his cause.] If you had a chance right now to go back in time and stop Hitler, wouldn’t you do it? I mean, I personally wouldn’t stop him because I think he was awesome, but you would, right?

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Film, Technology, Television

The Conversation, The Series

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Coppola and company will be turning The Conversation into a television series. It will pick up where the movie left off, so put that into your Netflix queue. From Variety:

Producer Tony Krantz (“24”) is teaming with scribes Christopher McQuarrie (“The Usual Suspects”) and Erik Jendresen (“Band of Brothers”) to turn Francis Ford Coppola’s “The Conversation” into a weekly series for ABC.

This is great news for team members of The Crack Team, which made this an official CT Classic Movie long ago. I think this is a great crew to make it happen, judging by their body of work (although I didn’t watch Band of Brothers). I’m just curious who will star. Hackman is 76, so that might be a bit of a stretch. But we’d need a gruff, everyman for the part. Any suggestions?

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