For pretty much saving my life 20 minutes ago. I was on the 405 South near Cerritos, meditating on religion, when I realized cars don’t usually make U-turns on the 405. It looked like the car attempting this was not very successful. Then I noticed a pickup in front of me in my lane, only it’s perpendicular to the dotted white lines – SWERVE LEFT. The U-turn car is now in the left lane – STAY RIGHT. Another car has turned itself around in the right shoulder and – CRASH – CLANG – it knocks over a freeway street lamp – THOSE FUCKERS ARE BIG – into my lane – SWERVE LEFT. And old, dark blue pickup, rear end smashed in, drives on in front of me. Did it cause the accident? An uninsured motorist? Drunk driver? Innocent victim? I have no idea.
“Is it safe?”
“Yes, it’s safe, it’s very safe, it’s so safe you wouldn’t believe it.”
Ordeal over, I call 911. All operators busy, everyone else beat me to it.
So I’d like to thank God for interrupting my conversation with Him, and keeping me cool through everything. In my mind, at least, I was Matt Damon in The Bourne Identity. But without Franka Potente riding shotgun, sadly.
I’d like to thank Subaru for making the Impreza WRX capable of swerving around the random obstacles materializing in front of me while going 65+ MPH. It’s like one of those BMW commercials, except BMW can suck my balls.
I’d like to thank Goodyear, and it’s fine Eagle F1 GS-D3 tires, which did not complain as I broke, accelerated, and swerved around various cars and freeway paraphernalia.
I’d like to thank Starbucks for keeping it’s Hollywood and Highland location open to 12:30am (although 1am would be more appropriate at that location on a Saturday night), and it’s fine Caramel Macchiato beverage, for keeping me alert.