For instance, I went to Islands and discovered my usual chicken breast sandwich is 1,000 calories. Nothing particularly evil about it: mayo, Swiss, mushrooms, lettuce, and tomato. Not breaded and deep fried, no bacon, no avocado. That doesn’t even include the 480 calories for the side of fries it comes with. In other news, Islands (like Red Robin) now offers bottomless fries with their meals, and will happily oblige your request for a side of ranch dressing. So with a second helping of fries, you get 2,000 calories in one meal. More if you get the bottomless Coke. That’s all your calories for the day, consumed in 30 minutes. Insane. I made a 5 oz. turkey burger at home, a smaller version of the above sandwich, and it still came to 480 calories.

If coffee shops had to list calories in the pastry case, their sales would plummet. They’re about 500-900 calories and half of that is fat. Plus the coffee, which is probably a whole milk latte with syrup. This time you only had half a day’s calories as a between meal snack.

Bottom line: everything is horrible for you, and twice as bad if you’re sedentary.

New Jersey

Dunkin Donuts
After years of gushing praise about their coffee from several CT agents, I finally got some – a regular iced coffee with cream and sugar. I was really disappointed. It tasted like a glass of whole milk with a splash of coffee and some sugar on the bottom. I thought it might’ve been one time screw-up so I ordered it again at a different DD – same thing. McDonald’s iced coffee is WAY better. My local guide said DD’s coffee has gone downhill in recent years. I have a hunch it was due to their push into supermarkets.

I also got a French cruller that was alright, and a butternut which was just OK. I guess I forgot the one I love is the chocolate butternut, which are very rare. The regular ones are strangely lemony. I should’ve stuck with the chocolate glazed; they really can’t screw that up.

This place has been rock solid for years – exactly how I remembered it. It’s got the thinnest crust pizza I’ve ever seen, but it’s not just a gimmick – it’s very good. They have a deal where you get a t-shirt if you can eat an entire XXL pizza by yourself. I’ve done this a few times, but decided to pass this time. Besides trying not to be a glutton, the t-shirts tend to be ugly as sin. The only mark against P&E is that the water was foul – I had to get a soda to mask the taste.

This is where the wedding reception was. I had the salmon in a lemon dill sauce with rice and string beans – it was excellent. I expected the salmon to be overcooked since this was for a large crowd, but it was perfect.

The big endorsement is from ThinkTank1 and his lovely new bride, who chose it for the reception. For those who don’t know Jersey, downtown Red Bank is pretty much the only cool part (although East Rutherford had a cool area – see below). There are several restaurants here, but they keep returning to this one and have eaten most of what’s on the menu. The prices look very reasonable and the food was great, so I can’t blame them.

Whenever possible, I choose the mom and pop coffee house over Starbucks or other chains and – big surprise – I’m almost never disappointed. Zebu Forno is a small chain with a handful of locations, but we could definitely use more of them. I’d say they most closely compete with Panera, but I dug this better.

I walked in and was greeted by an incredibly cute and friendly girl. I ask if they take credit cards, but it’s a $10 minimum and I’m only getting coffee. “How much do you have on you?” $4. “That’s good enough.” At this point, I’m in love.¹ In fact, now I have to take out cash just to tip her a buck for being so understanding. And cute.

I got a double mocha, which was good. The next day I went back for breakfast. This place has a huge menu of all sorts of stuff, and amazingly it all looks good.² I went with the pork roll with egg and cheese on a roll. It wasn’t real Taylor Ham with the thick, round slices, but it was still tasty and the roll it was on could not have been better. And I got yellow American cheese, not the white I’m always stuck with in California. So damn good.

While they have a full lunch and dinner menu filled with Greek cuisine, we came here for coffee and dessert. It’s got a cool atmosphere (yes, this also means hot girls) and is open late – 3AM on Friday! Personally, I think they should’ve changed the channel when the Greek station started playing some gay shirtless voguing videos, but at least it wasn’t in my face. And that’s probably normal for Greece.

I got an iced mocha, which was OK, but I felt they skimped on the chocolate. TT1′s Mexican hot chocolate was good. For dessert, I got a strawberry crepe with vanilla creme. The problem here is that I expected the strawberry filling to be hot, which would have made this perfect. Since it and the creme were cold, the whole thing was just luke warm and turned cold quickly.

So overall the food was just OK, but they had a lot of other stuff that looked good, like a chocolate peanut butter brownie cake, creme brulee, etc. I would definitely return, if for no other reason than it’s open late. It’s a much cooler, hipper alternative to a diner. One tip: they don’t bring you your check – you have to go to the counter to get it. On the plus side, we never felt rushed.

Cluck U Chicken
This used to be my favorite chicken chain. I’d always get a chicken parm sandwich, a Roman (mozzarella and a garlic cream sauce), or a Red Roman which combines the two. The chicken breasts they used were huge. Now they’re advertised as 1/3 lb. and they’re pretty clearly pounded flat to seem bigger. And the Red Roman wasn’t as good as I remembered – I should have gone for the regular Roman.

My regular side order was their real, red skinned mashed potatoes in a turkey (or was it chicken?) gravy. Now it’s just instant mashed with brown gravy. And to top it off, they serve Pepsi instead of Coke. Sigh.

It’s clear they’ve been doing a lot of cost cutting in the years since I last visited. If they kept the quality high they’d have more customers. I might give them another chance, but I really regret picking this over White Castle as one of few places I got to (re)visit.

New York City

We used Yelp to help decide where to go, based on which places had the most reviews while maintaining a decent rating. We also took into consideration how easy it would be to get from one place to the next, considering it was a Friday night. It worked out great; short, but sweet.

The weather could not have been better – about 65 degrees and, dare I say it? Balmy! Yes, balmy in NYC in October. I’ve never seen so many hot women in NYC, they definitely dressed for the warm weather and a Friday night on the town. I guess I usually visited during the day or a weeknight, but NYC never struck me as a city of babes. I was happy to be shown its better side.

We were debating whether to return to The Carnegie Deli, where I previously had the best sandwich of my life (and the best knish). But Katz’s was higher rated on Yelp and we’d never been there, so what the heck.

We took a cab from Port Authority. As we entered the place, a security guard gave us a ticket. You hand it to the cashier when you pay, who marks it for the guard when you’re leaving. I’d wonder what happens when you don’t get anything, but I imagine they take you straight to the looney bin.

It was a no brainer what to get – a pastrami sandwich on rye. The only question was mustard or Russian dressing. I’m a Russian dressing guy.³ We walk up to the meat cutter and tell him we want pastrami. He walks off without saying anything. Then I see him returning with a whole, steaming pastrami. It must’ve been right out of the smoker. He slices some off for us to taste.

Heaven. Now I know what gave Meg Ryan that orgasm in When Harry Met Sally.

We get our sandwiches and a beverage and sit down to what is now the best sandwich of my life. Now, to clarify, Carnegie Deli pastrami is also awesome. Both delis make it themselves. Both are leaner and more tender than anything I’ve had elsewhere. I think the Katz pastrami was more moist, having been so fresh. A big point is that the Carnegie sandwich is noticeably larger; it’s the king of the mile high sandwiches. Katz’s was smaller, but still big, and it only cost $14.50. I remember paying close to $20 for the Carnegie sandwich, and that was in 2002! A lot of people say the Carnegie sandwich is too big and impossible to finish. I’d agree if I didn’t eat the whole damn thing, then polish off half a knish the size of a Nerf football. But I’m a fatass. That said, I did feel really full after Katz’s sandwich, and we were happy to have a bit of a walk to our next place.

For those not familiar with them, the big deal about about Belgian fries is that they are fried twice. They’re traditionally served with various mayo-based sauces. This place was good, but I have a specific idea of what Belgian fries are, and these weren’t it.

Back when the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica was cool, there was a Belgian fry place called Benita’s Frites. These were square-cut fries, crispy and greasy on the outside, soft on the inside. The perfect fry. They offered about 20 different sauces like garlic mayo and remoulade.

The fries at Pommes Frites are good, but they’re more like steak fries and aren’t that crispy. They also have a large sauce selection. I had the roasted garlic mayo, which was a little too sweet; I would have preferred a regular garlic mayo. We also had a pesto mayo, which I must admit was spot on.

They also offer poutine, a French Canadian treat that consists of fries with brown gravy and fresh cheese curds. I’ve had it at Peel Pub in Montreal and it’s great pub food. If this place wasn’t the size of a broom closet and I could guarantee a place to sit, I would definitely try that next. But standing around on the street with a cone of hot fries and gravy is just too much of a hassle for me. They definitely need a much bigger seating area.

1. No, it doesn’t take much.
2. Although there’s no way I’m getting pizza from a coffee shop/bakery.
3. BTW, in a Jewish deli, Russian dressing is very similar to thousand island dressing. In the lazier ones it’s identical. But it looks or tastes nothing like the bottles of Russian dressing you see in the supermarket, which appear to be a combination of ketchup and sweet and sour sauce.

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• 1 1/2 tablespoons Hawaiian sea salt
  It’s usually found in Japanese markets or gourmet stores. You can try searching for “Hawaiian” on Yelp, or click the links to buy it on Amazon.
  It comes in black (charcoal based), red (alaea/clay based), and white (nothin’ special). It was recommended I get black to enhance the smokey taste, but I could only find red and white. I went with red because I didn’t have time to order it online; it turned out fine. Definitely don’t use regular table salt!
  Oh, to save you look-up, 1/2 tablespoon is 1 1/2 teaspoons.
• 1 tablespoon liquid smoke
  I chose Colgin’s mesquite over hickory. I’m not sure why I did that, but when I opened the bottle at home it smelled right.
• 5-6 lb. pork butt roast
  5 lbs was the biggest I could find. Sometimes this is called Boston butt. You don’t want the picnic arm with the skin – at least not for this.
• sushi rice
  By sushi rice, I mean short or medium grain white rice. You’ll find this at the Japanese market or the Asian section of your supermarket. I bought Calrose rice, which is a California-grown rice that’s actually preferred in some Asian countries. As for brand, I picked Botan simply because they included cooking directions. If you can cook rice without explicit directions, I have no idea what you’re doing here.
• tonkatsu sauce (optional)
  Pick this up at the Japanese market when you’re getting the salt. If you are faced with a dizzying array of choices, use this opportunity to chat up a cute employee.

Equipment

• crock pot (aka slow cooker) big enough to fit the roast
• measuring spoons
• carving fork

Make like the pros and put the salt and liquid smoke into 2 small bowls. This will help in a minute when your hands are covered in pork fat.

The pork roast will have one side with a thick layer of fat. Nice when you’re roasting, but we ain’t doin’ that, so trim it off. Using the carving fork, uniformly poke holes all over the roast. While stabbing it, pretend you’re administering an adrenalin shot to an OD’ing Uma Thurman. Sprinkle the salt all over the roast and rub it in. Then pour the liquid smoke on and rub that all over. Reflect on how rugged you’ll seem when your hands smell like smoke for a week. Transfer the roast to the crock pot. Some finagling may be required to make it fit. Set it to low and mark the time.

The original recipe called for 16-20 hours of cooking (flipping it once halfway through) for a 6 lb. roast. My crock pot gets a bit hot, even on low, so it was ready in 12. Odds are you’re going to be sleeping while this is cooking, so plan accordingly. Following the rules for pulled pork on the grill, the internal temperature should be about 190 degrees Fahrenheit. When it’s done, transfer the roast onto a large platter or baking dish. It may fall apart during transfer, so be careful.

Separate the juices from the fat. The easiest way is to use this genius device, a fat-separating gravy pitcher. Just pour the juice from the crock pot onto the pitcher, taking care not to get it everywhere. If you don’t have one of those, pour it through a strainer or colander into a bowl. If you don’t have that, you can use a ladle to skim the juice while leaving the bits of fat and collagen behind. Put the bowl into the freezer to get the grease to harden.⁴ When cold, you just scrape the grease off the top. See how much easier it would be with that pitcher?

But don’t wait for the grease to separate – shred the pork while it’s hot. You can use a fork, or more easily, use your hands with insulated food gloves. Pull out any chunks of fat you find – there will be a lot. This is the hardest part, so I suggest you find a cute girl and ask her if she’ll pull your pork for you. I find that, “Hey baby, wanna pull my pork?” works great. Now take the separated juice (reheating in the microwave if you used the freezer method) and pour it on the shredded pork. That will keep it nice and moist and add back that smokey, salty flavor.

Now go make the rice according to the directions on the bag. If yours doesn’t have directions, God help you. Or mom help you. Or buy one of those awesome Zojirushi rice cookers that figures everything out for you and makes rice like Matsuhisa-san. The Botan Calrose rice was very easy to make and came out perfect.

Now throw them together in a bowl and wolf it down! If you find it too salty, throw a little katsu sauce on there. Another friend adds rooster sauce, but that’s crazy. Try not think about what eating that much pork will do to you.

Actually, you should think about it. I separated at least 2.5 cups of fat and grease from my roast. That’s 4,557 calories, 500 grams of fat (230g of saturated fat), and 515mg of cholesterol. Yours may have even more. So if you’re not going to follow all three fat separating steps, just go to a restaurant. It ain’t worth a triple bypass.

1. Thanks to Agent Doubledeuce for the tip.
2. But don’t worry, I’ll still explain it to you like you were held back a few times.
3. Not counting those supermen who actually dig a hole, add fire, and roast the whole pig all at once.
4. Uh, you don’t wait for the whole thing to be frozen, just the fat. Maybe 20 minutes.

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As I am wont to do, I was reading about nutrition in an effort to procrastinate on… well, everything, but one of those things was actually working out. This effort was successful, even though it does motivate me to actually work out just so I can apply what I’ve learned.

In this case, I’ve determined best protein shakes to take post-workout,¹ which isn’t as simple as you might think. The basic answer is whey, because it’s absorbed the quickest.² When you finish your workout, your body can use protein right away to optimize recovery. But whey is still a vague answer, since there are so many different types and brands.

It turns out the best form of whey is called whey protein isolate (WPI), which is better than the concentrate. Anything that says “blend” is suspect. Not bad, per se, but not optimal. After that, you want to make sure that the protein is undenatured, which is kinda like saying it hasn’t been damaged during the collection process. If you see that the protein is manufactured via ion-exchange, the protein is denatured. Technically, you get more protein per scoop this way, but it’s less effective protein. Ironically, you’ll find several companies bragging that they use 100% ion-exchange WPI. What you’re looking for is some form of low temperature filtration process. You might see cross flow micro-filtration (CFM) specifically.

After that, I look for little to no soy, since soy inhibits testosterone production and can lower sperm count. I also want as little sugar and fat as possible. Note that you do want carbs post workout, so the protein is used for building muscles and not replenishing your blood sugars. And fats are important for generating testosterone. But I want control over what types of carbs and fats I eat.

Of course, it should also taste good, but that’s subjective. Some taste good in milk, but bad in water, but others are good all around. Using skim milk isn’t bad, but can double the calories. I suggest you start out with a small container, or find a place with a money-back satisfaction guarantee. I think most nutrition shops offer this, but ask. Once you find something you like, look for a bulk discount online.

Here is the list I came up with based on label information, supplemented with forum opinions. It’s not comprehensive, but I think I have most of the quality brands. There may be other products from the same brands that use the same protein, but double check.

All The Whey – Whey Protein Isolate
This is my preferred choice. I tried vanilla with the Micellar Casein,³ and it has a very light taste. Almost too light. When I added frozen berries, I needed to add a tablespoon of raspberry syrup. Cupcake Batter is sweet enough so that no syrup was necessary. I’ll add frozen blueberries and have a blueberry muffin smoothie, or frozen strawberries and make it strawberry shortcake. Another great flavor is Cinnamon Bun. This tastes more like cinnamon coffee cake, but I love that, too. One of my favorite new post workout shakes is cinnamon bun whey, skim milk, 1/2 an apple (cut up and frozen), and a packet of instant, steel cut oatmeal with flax. It’s like drinking an cinnamon apple cake! But it’s also the best flavor to drink with just skim milk. And I’ve heard some people add it to their hot oatmeal, which I’ll have to try.

Allmax Nutrition – IsoFlex I picked this up in Chocolate. Later, I noticed it the label said “with real chocolate chips” and thought, wouldn’t they just sink to the bottom? They sink to the bottom. I guess it’s good if you’re throwing it in the blender with ice, otherwise you just eat them at the end, which does leave a better taste in your mouth. Yes, it does mix in water, but it doesn’t taste that great that way. I had to either use skim milk, or use water but add a splash of fat-free half and half. So far, Muscle Milk is the only thing that tastes decent in water, but it also has a lot of fat and sugar.

4ever Fit – Whey Protein Isolate In fruit flavors.
4ever Fit – 4ever Whey In traditional shake flavors (chocolate/vanilla).
Syntrax – Nectar/Sweets Nectars are fruit flavors, Sweets are dessert flavored. Fuzzy Navel, Roadside Lemonade, and Green Apple seem to be favorites.
VPX – Zero Carb Protein
Universal – Ultra Iso Whey
Bioplex – Pure WPI
Pure Nutrition – Whey Protein Isolate Not the same as above, and uses a natural sweetener I’ve never heard of.
Applied Delivery Systems – Lean Mass Builder

Ultimate Nutrition products look good on paper, but I’ve read a few bad reviews regarding taste.

Here are my references:

The Whey It Is: The Truth About Whey Protein by Will Brink
Soy health risks for men at Wikipedia

1. Or other athletic activity, preferably within 30 minutes.
2. There might be some super-protein out there that’s better, but I couldn’t find any overwhelming evidence pointing to anything specific. The data backing whey, however, is pretty extensive.
3. I picked up casein mainly to curb hunger, but then I read that whey is better for that. Makes sense, since it’s digested faster.

Visit our sister restaurants at O’Grady’s Fine Italian Dining and McDonald’s Ethiopian Cuisine.

And sometimes I just need caffeine, but there’s nobody around to ogle girls with me. Then the coffee house suddenly feels much farther away (if it’s even open), and $4 feels overpriced when you’re not staying to enjoy the view. In these situations, I was getting by with a packet of hot chocolate and some instant coffee, but that’s less than satisfying.

Then I learned about cold-brewed coffee. It doesn’t require any expensive equipment and results in coffee that is 67% less acidic. It’s smoother and tastes better and can be stored for 2-3 weeks in the fridge. It’s also so strong it can be used as an espresso substitute in iced coffees, which amazingly taste like a real iced latte (or in my case, iced white mocha).

The concept is simple: You add 2 parts filtered water to 1 part coarse ground coffee, wait 12 hours, then filter out the grounds. You’re left with coffee concentrate.

The easiest way to cold brew is to use a Toddy Cold Brew System for about $30 at Amazon. It takes a pound of coffee and yields about 6 cups. Toddy has been making these systems for about 40 years and they’re very highly rated.

Next easiest would be to use a 12-cup French press (4 cups coffee to 8 cups water) and pour it into a glass pitcher. However, this is only good if you already have the French press, as you could buy two Toddy systems for the same price. And if your press isn’t good about filtering all the grounds, you’ll have to pour it through a paper filter.

Finally, there is my “what do I already have?” ghetto brewing system:

Equipment:

• 4 cup Pyrex measuring cup¹
• Fine-mesh sieve
• Paper coffee filters
• Coffee machine grounds basket²

1. Combine 1 cup of ground coffee and 2 cups filtered water in the measuring cup. The coffee will float, so use a spoon or fork to gently mix it so the grounds are completely wet.
2. Cover the measuring cup with plastic wrap and let it sit at room temperature for 12 hours.
3. Put the filter in the coffee ground basket. Pour the coffee through the sieve into the basket.
4. Dump the remainder of the grinds and rinse out the measuring cup. Place the cup under the basket spout and hold it so the coffee drains into the cup.

Iced White Mocha

• 1/2 cup coffee concentrate
• 2-3 tablespoons of Ghirardelli sweet ground white chocolate
• ~1/2 to 1 cup milk
• ~1/2 to 1 cup ice

First heat the coffee in the microwave for 20-30 seconds and add the white chocolate powder. Trying to dissolve the powder after adding cold milk is an exercise in futility (you’ll need a hand mixer).³ Add milk and ice to taste.

Tips:

• I initially tried this with normally ground coffee and it turned out fine, as the paper filter removes all sediment. If you’re using a Toddy or French press, you’ll have to get the coarse grind.
• You can wait up to 24 hours for a stronger brew, but it will also have higher acid and caffeine levels and hence taste more bitter. I like the concept of more caffeine, but not at the expense of smoothness. If it’s not strong enough, you’re better off just using a bolder roast or less water.
• I find it’s easiest to prepare it at night and finish it in the morning. If you do it late on a weekend, you should have enough for the week.
• Check out Smart & Final for a great selection of syrups and coffee supplies.
• I’ve never tried it, but many people simply add hot water to the concentrate to make a smoother brewed coffee that’s gentler on your stomach.

1. You can get by with a plastic one.
2. Make sure your basket has a spring loaded spout/drain stopper and not just a hole in the bottom.
3. Syrup would mix better than powder, of course, but the white chocolate syrups go bad quickly (3 weeks) and are only sold in huge, restaurant-sized bottles.

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Holy crap. They have everything. Four shelves hold almost every Torani syrup they make – and the pumps! Plus Ghirardelli syrups and powders in several forms. And a bunch of other brands. Literally half an aisle is devoted to “coffee supplies” – basically, everything you’d need to start your own coffee shop. And the prices are in line with Amazon, with no tax or shipping!

My mind reeled with the possibilities of recreating my favorite coffee drinks: the Cocomo (chocolate coconut) and Black Forrest Mocha (chocolate raspberry) from (the now defunct) Equator Coffee; the Mayan mocha from Diedrich’s/Kean; the white mocha from Bean Town. I was in heaven. And soon after that, a diabetic coma.

I ended up with a 3 lb. can of Ghirardelli Sweet Ground White Chocolate. I wanted the syrup, but I learned that Torani’s goes bad after 6 weeks, and Ghirardelli’s spoils after only 3.¹ Did I mention these are 64 oz. bottles intended for restaurants? There’s no way I can crank through that so quickly, as I don’t drink it daily. As it is, I will probably be serving white chocolate from that 3 lb. can to my grandchildren.((Update: actually, it only lasted 4 months.)) I just wish I had the balls to bring it with me into Starbucks.

1. This is specifically the “sauces” found in plastic bottles. The Torani syrups in glass bottles last much longer.

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4 lb. beef roast, cut into 1/2″ cubes
I found sirloin tip on sale and used that. I was going to use tri-tip as that was cheaper, but it was already sold out. London broil could work, too. Avoid chuck. Cut out any fat and gristle/tough connective tissue when you’re dicing the beef.
2 bottles of Newcastle Brown Ale
1 large onion, diced
I used a 10 oz. package of pre-diced onions as I don’t have a food processor and hate dicing onions.
18 oz. of tomato paste
8 oz. tomato sauce
8 oz. salsa
Your choice, but it should be red (tomato) not green (chile or tomatillo). I used Pace Picante sauce, medium.
15 oz. can pinto beans, drained and rinsed
15 oz. can black beans, drained and rinsed
1/4 cup chili powder
There is a lot of variation here. I’m talking chili with an I, not chile with an E. The former is a spice blend – look at what it has in it and decide if you like it. The latter is a single spice; it will work, but it won’t taste as good. One note.
1 tbsp. garlic powder
1 tsp. garlic salt
1/4 tsp. ground black pepper
2 tbsp. olive oil

Optional:

diced chile peppers
Must be fresh, not canned. It will be faster to just buy a chunky salsa and add more of it.
cayenne pepper
Add to taste if it’s not hot enough. Again, you can just go with a hotter salsa and/or chili powder. My chili powder already has cayenne in it.

First, get everything ready. Dice, open cans, drain, rinse, measure spices, etc. This will lower your stress while cooking.

Dicing the beef will be a pain, but this is steak chili. You can ask your butcher if can do this. I doubt he can, but ask anyway. If he offers to grind it – even a chili grind – say no. Might as well buy ground beef if he’s going to do that. Instead, perhaps it’s time to pass those knife skills you’ve acquired on to a small child. Just remind them to let the knife do the cutting – don’t press hard. Hey, they gotta learn sometime.

Brown the beef in the olive oil over medium heat. Stir often, don’t cook it. There might be a little pink, but that’s better than overcooking it. Drain it.

Put it back on the stove and add the onions. Add just enough beer to cover it; for me that was 2 bottles. Bring it to a boil, then immediately lower the heat to a simmer. Simmer for 10 minutes, stirring often to remove carbonation. This will tenderize the beef, allowing you to buy cheaper cuts.

Stir in the other ingredients (in this order for best results). Mix it up good before adding the next ingredient:
tomato paste
tomato sauce
salsa
chili powder (don’t dump it all at once)
garlic powder
garlic salt
beans

Simmer for an hour, stirring every 10 minutes.

At this point, you can eat it. However, it will taste better if you let it cool and throw it in the fridge overnight. The flavors combine and intensify overnight, so unless you find it way too bland, don’t add anything until the next day.

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First, prepare the BBQ rub. I like this Carolina BBQ rub that I originally made for pulled pork. I found it works well on beef, too. The only change I made was using pure ancho chile powder instead of your garden variety chili powder. This was suggested by a couple chefs and I think it turned out well, but if you already have the regular stuff then use it. You are nothing if not practical. And lazy.

Trim the roast, and then sprinkle on the rub liberally and rub it in. Let it marry in the fridge overnight. Don’t worry, this is an acceptable union under the current law; it’s not like a man marrying a box turtle. Take the roast out half an hour before grilling so it comes to room temp.

For cooking times, follow the recommendations in your manual, esp. if it’s a Weber. My Weber manual was quite accurate, definitely more than the one for my Viking range. Like all roasts, it will be medium indirect, and it will benefit from smoke. Try mesquite. Avoid tobacco. And don’t flip it while grilling.

One problem I had while taking its temperature is that heat from the grill messed with my digital thermometer. I had to remove it from the grill while checking the temp. Of course, use a meat thermometer, not an oral or rectal one. In fact, if using either of those is even possible, your butcher has executed an elaborate ruse at your expense. Always remember: a tri-tip roast has neither a mouth nor an anus. Words to live by.

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