Film

I saw Ghost Town this weekend and was sorry to see how poorly it did in the box office. I enjoyed it more than Righteous Kill, Lake View Terrace, and Burn After Reading (although that was pretty decent), which all beat it. Ricky Gervais is of course funny, but he also shows us he can act (granted, he already did that in the Extras series finale). Anyway, if you like Extras or the British Office, you’ll enjoy this.

Quite a title for this article, but it really makes sense.  Trust me.

I was listening to the soundtrack for the Broadway show “Wicked.”  It is based on the premise that the Wicked Witch of the West was really not evil, just a  misunderstood soul.   Wow.  They are taking one of the iconic evil figures from literature and giving her a second look, an alternate-universe history that makes her, well, nice¹.   And that’s not right.

Taking this alarming trend to its pinnacle, could it be far behind for Hitler to make a comeback?? 

(NOTE: the following are satirical comments.  Do not mistake them for reality; they are just an artifice to make a point.  That is how satire works.) 

After all, Hitler was really nice to his dogs. And he did put all of the German people back to work on that really cool roadway, the Autobahn.  Did I mention that he created the Volkswagen?? That picture of Hitler and his gang of killers parading around on a convertible Wolkswagen has got to be the coolest, most disturbing image of the war. ²  So except for the 6 million people he killed, Hitler was a really nice guy.  Really. 

(NOTE: the satire has now ended.  Back to reality.)

But we all know that the winners of a war write the history books, so they can adjust the facts to suit themselves.  There are many instances of Allied atrocities in WW2 that should have been tried as war crimes.  I am thinking of the conventional bombing of the German city of Dresden, or the firebombing of Japanese cities.  The latter killed a whole lot more people than the atomic bombings at Hiroshima and Nagasaki (better left for some other article).  But a lot of terrible things happen during a war; it’s just distasteful to try to justify them as being necessary for a greater good.  It’s so much more honest to say what is really inside: the enemy is inhuman and we’re  scared sh*tless; we need to kill as many of them as possible before the war ends.  Afterwards,  we have to go back to being human beings and play nice again.  Or whatever passes for “nice” between bellicose nations.

So back to the Wicked Witch of the West.  The play does a good job turning the Oz universe on its head.  As with many revisionist works, there are problems with it, since it changes a couple of  really key points that clash with the world that Frank L. Baum created.  Similar to those Star Wars prequels that cannot exist in the same universe as the original Star Wars movies.  But these are nits, and you can still enjoy the Wicked concept if you ignore them.  Just don’t expect me to change my worldview: The witch is still evil. (Don’t forget, she did try to kill Dorothy.  And her little dog, too.)

1. What is next?? Darth Vader used to be a nice guy that made some  wrong choices?? [↩]
2. Except for that other disturbing photo, showing thousands of his dead victims from the concentration camps. [↩]

Well, it’s no secret that I was not a big fan of the movie “The Golden Compass” even before it came out.   I knew that it was derived from a book of the same name, which was part of a trilogy written by Philip Pullman, a self-described atheist.   There was also the fact that the series is known as His Dark Materials trilogy, and that there was a running thread in the books that was anti-religious.   I don’t have a problem with that, but I did have a problem with God being terminated by the series’ young protagonists in book 3.  Pretty intense stuff for a children’s series.

But there’s a couple of things that merit a revisit to this movie.  One is the fact that I was a big fan of “The Chronicles of Narnia”  which is a series that is an unabashedly pro-Christian allegory¹.  I did not want to favor one point of view without giving a chance to its opposite.  There was the fact that I don’t want to dismiss an entire series based on hearsay.  Finally, there’s the fact that Roger Ebert had given the movie 4 stars.   I had to check this movie out.

I recently had the opportunity to view the DVD of the movie recently, and I can see why Mr. Ebert admired its production values; they are exquisite.

The concepts were brilliantly illustrated on the screen, and as Roger writes “As a visual experience, it is superb.”

But I cannot recommend the movie.  As beautiful as it is to behold, it failed its first test when one of my kids asked me when the movie was going to be over.  This is the equivalent of the dreaded looking-at-your-watch syndrome while watching a movie at the theatre.  Now, I’ve been in movies that are slow moving and require extreme patience, so a measured pace has never bothered me.  My issues with the movie lie elsewhere.

Spoilers follow:

Read the rest of this entry »

1. see my previous article http://www.crackteam.org/2006/04/23/its-obvious-episode-1-narnia-for-dummies/ [↩]

Yesterday I braved the crowds and the alarming number of children at the theatre, attending this movie.  Kids at a children’s movie, what a concept.  However, the movie was a real pleasure and definitely worth a viewing.

 More importantly, I found myself in a DLP theatre, by mere circumstance.  Wall-E in DLP is a real pleasure, and not to be missed.  Couple that with a very generous admission price of 5.00 before 6PM and I had an all-around great experience.  The theater is located in La Palma, Orange County.  You can find it by going to the DLP website and searching your local area code.  As always, my only gripe is that the theatre does not list the DLP theatre separately from its print counterparts, so you have to call ahead to find out where you need to be before the 6PM bell tolls.  Try DLP, you’ll like it.

 I also experienced that rarity: a breakdown in the DLP projector halfway through the movie.  However, I can report that unlike the days of old, the system reboot only took a few seconds; no need to bring up the houselights while the white-clad team of   repairmen descended on the clean room housing the projector.   The movie continued and I can report that it’s worth your time.

I’ll let someone else with a good graphics background report on the movie itself.  I am only an awe-struck theatre-goer that appreciates quality work.

This was an eye-opening documentary on steroids. There was a lot of info here, exploring the issue from many angles, and I learned a lot. Documentarian Chris Bell makes it personal with family interviews; both of this brothers are steroid users, which of course is a real shock when they’ve got nicknames like Mad Dog and Smelly. Bell makes it clear he’s been morally opposed to steroids his whole life. I don’t know if his situation injected bias or not, as I don’t know how it was edited or what was left out. In the end, though, I think viewers will be more likely to try steroids than they were before watching this.

This is because the film portrays the short term effects as mostly reversible, provided you’ve got a penis, or aren’t afraid to grow one if you don’t. It can’t list any long term effects because there’s a wholesale ban on steroids, so we will never be able to study them. This leaves the audience with a list of the long term effects such as having your own reality series (Hulk Hogan), becoming a movie star (Sylvester Stallone), or being elected governor (Elliot Spitzer Schwarzenegger). Hmm, I guess it could be use for sports, too.

The only way I can think to combat this is to point out that chicks don’t dig overmuscled meatheads, and steer them towards eating disorders instead. Of course, with cheerleaders literally getting their panties in a bunch over some roided out football player, this could be an uphill battle.

I saw The Visitor over the weekend and can recommend it. It’s a touching story that raises awareness about immigration in this country, which has become quite difficult, even for honest people. I also really dug the drum music in the film. To learn more, watch the trailer or visit the film’s page at the IMDB.

NOTE: You’ll be seeing more of these micro-reviews from me, which I hope add value.

I got a chance to take a break from school and took a look at Iron Man over the weekend. I thought it was awesome. I don’t know much, if anything, about the comic book so I don’t know how faithful the story was, but the plot was good, the action was great, the CG was great, and I thought Robert Downey Jr. was great.

Just be sure to sit through the end of the credits!

In Priceless, Audrey Tatou says that charm is better than looks. “Looks can be resisted, charm cannot.” Priceless has charm in spades.

I’m not one of those guys who throws around terms like “delightful comedy” (unless I’m being ironic). But that just about sums up this film.

In Amelie, Audrey Tatou showed us she can be uniquely cute better than just about anyone. Here, she shows us sexy. She is practically naked the entire film, by way of dresses with sheer and/or very little fabric, and her glorious refusal to wear a bra. Also, she is sometimes just naked. Bravo!

Also, she can act. Not too far into the film I’m thinking, “I really don’t like her character.” I was concerned for the film, because how am I supposed get into a romantic comedy when I don’t know why the guy is pursuing this girl? But it’s not long before she, too, shows us what charm is. Yes, the screenwriters get credit for this, too, but it still requires the right actress to make us change our minds.

Gad Elmaleh is great as Jean, a bartender who falls for Tatou, a girl way above his pay grade. His father was a mime, and you can see him channeling Chaplin in this film. After watching him in this, I’ve moved The Valet to the top of my Netflix queue.

Now, some caveats. This is a French film. I don’t just mean the dialogue is in French¹, I mean the comedy, tone, setting, etc. I’m a big fan of foreign films, especially French; you may not be. At the same time, if you’re expecting Amelie, which is off-the-charts charming and quirky, you’ll be disappointed. But it is quirky, and fun, and… You know. Delightful.

1. Except for “pick-me-up” and “sunny-side up”, which have apparently been assimilated into the French language. [↩]

Boy do I hate Diablo Cody, the screenwriter.  But this is going to be a long-term project, for she does seem to have some talent.  It’s a backhanded compliment; just take it, as it is the best I can do.  And please notice that I recognize her as a screenwriter.

She had a great debut with the screenplay for the movie “Juno”  –a movie that I fully intended to dislike–  and the Hollywood community agreed by giving her the Oscar this year.  The movie was not too bad, a lot better than I expected, and I went in with totally negative expectations.  Her future output should be rather good and if the quality stays constant she’ll do great.

But I hate her new name, Diablo Cody.  It smacks of pretention; you could have done better, Diablo Cody. If you wanted to make a statement and have your work speak for you, I would have chosen a name like Jane Smith or better yet, Jane Doe Smith.  It would have been a hoot to see a Jane Smith walk up to the podium to accept the Oscar, dressed in the nouveau-goth attire and sporting that annoying, gigantic tattoo that screams “Notice Me !!”  That would have been ballsy.

But you took the easy way out and stayed in your post-stripper mentality, choosing a moniker that screams “Attitude entering the room”  I really resent your presenting the stripper world as the ninth level of Hell On Earth; if you’d come up through the world of coal-mining in Virginia I would have a little more sympathy.  As it is, you made your living through the habits of needy, creepy men (present company excepted)  that frequent strip bars.  Not really the noblest profession on earth.  So saying that you’ve paid your dues sounds rather hollow.

But I’m only one person and this is just my opinion.  After you produce a few more outstanding screenplays,  I will probably forgive you and forget this piece.  But you’ll always be Jane Smith in my heart.

When I recently read about a Clone Wars cartoon, I thought I might have accidentally stumbled on an old article. I remembered the Emmy winning 2003 Clone Wars cartoon. Now Lucas has created another Clone Wars cartoon. Stupid mistake on my part; the original was called Star Wars: Clone Wars, while the new show as a completely different name - Star Wars: The Clone Wars. Both take place between episodes II and III.

The official site has a trailer and a video intro to the series.

Overall, the animation looks like they did it with a video game rendering engine, embellished in parts. Perhaps they’re borrowing technology from The Force Unleashed. Of course, it sure sounds like Star Wars.

Variety reports that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be made into two movies, with the second to be released 6 months after the first.

For those not familiar with the books (no spoilers here), they keep getting bigger. By the fourth book, Goblet of Fire, Rowling was including enough material for two films. In fact, director Mike Newell was planning on splitting it when Alfonso Cuarón (director of Prisoner of Azkaban) convinced him it would be better to cut out tons of material and make one movie.

I was pissed, as were many (most?) other Potter fans. The movie turned out good, but when Order of the Phoenix was released, I think it became too obvious that subplots were missing, as well as chunks of the main plot. It felt very rushed.

So when I read that Hallows will be split I got pissed off again - because this means Half-Blood Prince won’t be split! Which only gives me 3 more shots at getting tickets to a premier and hitting on Emma Watson. Who, by the way, turns 18 next month. Just saying.

Terry Gilliam may be lucky in love, but he’s rather unlucky in filmmaking. Lost in La Mancha chronicled the mishaps and catastrophes that plagued his version of Don Quixote, which eventually had to be scrapped. For his current production, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, he cast the late Heath Ledger as the lead. When Heath tragically passed, many thought the production would need to be scrapped since it was already about halfway through filming.

Gilliam has creatively found a way to save the film by relying on it’s fantastical nature. The main character passes from the “real world” to various fantasy realms through a magic mirror. Luckily for the production, all the real world scenes had been filmed. Now, when Heath’s character passes into a new realm, a different actor will play that part. The three actors taking the roles are Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell, and Jude Law. I don’t think Gilliam could have asked for better actors, and the box office appeal will surely skyrocket because of their involvement. And we all benefit by getting to see Heath’s final performance, which will not be edited or enhanced in any way.

Paramount got the film rights to Transformers and G.I. Joe¹. Clearly big wins. Universal has pounced on what’s left: Monopoly, Candyland, Clue, Ouija, Battleship, Magic: The Gathering and Stretch Armstrong. Uh, did they think this through? I can see how video games with intricate plots can work as movies. But… Candyland?

Then again, Ridley Scott is already working on the movie based on Monopoly. No, I am not kidding. I imagine it’s about 4 real estate magnates all vying to buy up the slums of Atlantic City. Keanu Reeves will be playing the shoe, his first convincing role since Ted “Theodore” Logan.

1. Which comes out next year [↩]

If you hadn’t already heard, they’re making a movie about Wolverine. According to Wikipedia, it’s not based on the Origin miniseries. Instead, it focuses on his more recent past. Here’s the current lineup (with some spoiler-free commentary):

Wolverine: Hugh Jackson. I’d love to follow this up with “Duh!”, but with WB mixing up casting for the Justice League movie¹, you never can tell. Anyway, I like Jackman, even though he is way too tall for Wolverine, who is 5′3″ in the comic books. Glenn Danzig is the obvious choice, but he supposedly turned down the role in 2000.

Deadpool: Ryan Reynolds. I collected Deadpool for a while; he’s a real wiseass. Reynolds can handle that. I never saw his face in the comics, which would make this a voice acting gig when you factor in the stunt men. But this is backstory so who knows.

Sabretooth: Liev Shreiber. Shreiber is a great actor, but I wonder if they’re going to do anything about the size difference between him and Jackman. Sabretooth is huge and towers over Wolverine. It’s sort of a David and Goliath situation. Shreiber is 6′3″, but only 1 inch taller than Jackman. My guess is that they’ll pretend it’s normal, like Burton did with Keaton.

William Stryker: Danny Huston. Another great actor.

Gambit, a major character in the X-Men comics, will be played by a Taylor Kitsch, a relative unknown. Ironically, the relatively unknown characters John Wraith/Kestrel and Barnell/Blackwing will be played by will.i.am from The Black Eyed Peas and Dominic Monaghan (LOTR, Lost), respectively.

1. Which might be delayed as long as Superman Returns was… [↩]

This is awesome. Kristin Kreuk will play Chun Li, the speed-kicking, high jumping uber cutie in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li.

I’ve sunk more quarters into Street Fighter II than any other game. I even have an X-Arcade stick, pretty much just for fighting games on MAME. And I think Kristin Kreuk (Lana Lang on Smallville) is one of the loveliest actresses on earth. So this is a big win for me.

I’m also happy to hear Balrog will be played by Michael Clarke Duncan, and Chris Klein will play Nash¹ . Moon Bloodgood (the hottie from Journeyman), will also star, but I don’t know who she’ll be playing². To top it all off, it will be choreographed by Dion Lam who did The Matrix.

The only bummer is that we’ll have to wait ’til 2009 for the release. In the meantime, there’s always Smallville. And a couple photos of our heroines:
Read the rest of this entry »

1. I’ll be honest, I didn’t remember Nash/Charlie as I didn’t spend as much time on Street Fighter Alpha. [↩]
2. Chun Li’s better-endowed sister? [↩]

Update: George Romero is now remaking his 1972 film Crazies. It’s about a Pennsy town that accidentally has a bio weapon dumped in their water supply, which I guess drives them crazy. Of course, it may not look any different from your typical Steelers game.

Some horror remakes in development:

• Nightmare on Elm Street is getting a complete overhaul, which I assume means the end of Robert Englund in the title role.
• The Birds will be remade and star Naomi Watts. I’m sure it will be just as good as when they remade Psycho.
• The Wolf Man is being remade and will have Benicio Del Toro in the title role with Anthony Hopkins co-starring.
• The Invisible Woman isn’t really a remake, but it’s in the same territory. It will be directed by Matt Reeves, and might not happen until he directs the sequel to Cloverfield.
• Young Frankenstein is more of a horror parody, but it has been remade as a Broadway play. “Premium” tickets cost $450 (and no, that’s not a scalper or eBay price).

The high def disc battle was supposed to go on for years. Sony, Disney, Fox, and Lionsgate backed Blu-ray. Paramount, Dreamworks, and Universal backed HD-DVD. And Warner Bros. backed both (it goes both ways), making it the deciding factor. If it backed Blu-ray, it could be over quickly, and if it backed HD-DVD the sides would be even and the war would rage for years with everyone buying two players or multi-players.

A week ago, Warner Bros. decided to back Blu-ray exclusively. The war is over. Condolences to the mourners.

Paramount actually had an escape clause in the event this happened, and Universal announced it will no longer be HD-DVD exclusive. There will be some cleanup, commitments fulfilled, but in the meantime, feel free to buy a Blu-ray player. Newline is also backing BR, as is the increasingly irrelevant Blockbuster.

It’s been an interesting ride. Including the BR player in the PS3 caused delays and cutbacks, and inflated the price. It was selling pretty poorly because of this and a fairly crappy game selection. But this past holiday season it sold 1.2M units¹.

This change in the film industry should fuel PS3 sales. From what I’ve read, it’s not the highest quality BR player out there. But unlike many standalone players for your home theater, it supports all of the special interactive features the discs have. This is mainly through Blu-ray Disc for Java (BD-J), which is a form of Java ME. Already a number of titles have been enhanced with BD-J, although it seems mostly limited to enhanced menus. Over time, this could lead to some pretty cool hacks and features, esp. with players that are Internet enabled.

Overall, I’m not terribly happy Sony won, but it is nice that a format has been chosen. Using Java for interactivity is another bonus.

1. Still way behind the Wii, which sold 3 times that. [↩]

Going through 2007’s list of films, it looked pretty good. However, I note that some stinkers still managed to land themselves on the IMDB’s Bottom 100 list:

That rating is out of 10. But not bad, considering 2006 had 12. That’s the bad news. Here’s the good news, new entries into the Top 250:

Pretty good! Most of these are in the running for my personal top 10 list. I still need to see Sweeney Todd, Taare Zameen Par (an Indian film that I did not know existed until just now), Juno (which I’m super stoked to see), and Atonement. So no spoilers, please!

Some backstory: Peter Jackson had been battling Newline in court because he felt he was owed a lot more money for Lord of the Rings. Newline had the rights to The Hobbit, but didn’t want Jackson to direct until the lawsuit was settled. It started to get ugly. Also, their option¹ was expiring and would be given to another company. So they were making plans to find another director, which got fans and Jackson upset. It looked like the movie would be made without Jackson directing.

Well, Jackson and Newline made nice. But the bad news is, Jackson is now too busy to direct! Sam Raimi (Spiderman, Army of Darkness) will direct with Jackson producing². So Jackson will still be involved, and they’ll almost certainly film in New Zealand and use the f/x company Jackson set up for LOTR, preserving the look of LOTR. Overall, I’m expecting it to be a good film, although I’d still rather Jackson direct. But let’s face it: if it was directed by McG or Michael Bay and starred Rob Schneider as Bilbo Baggins, you’d still go see it.

1. The legal right to film, which has an expiration date. [↩]
2. In fact, Raimi said he wouldn’t direct if Jackson wasn’t involved [↩]

I’ve been really enjoying the web comic DM of the Rings by Shamus Young. It tells the tale of a dungeon master leading a group of typical players on a Dungeons & Dragons adventure based on Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings. Only the players have never heard of LOTR, much less MERP¹.

Yes, a little far fetched considering D&D stole heavily from LOTR, and I can’t imagine a gamer who hasn’t seen the LOTR movies. But no matter, the comic is very funny, and the actions of the players are uncannily similar to every group I’ve ever gamed with.

The real ingenuity is that it’s “illustrated” using only screencaps from the films with some occasional Photoshopping. The looks on the characters’ faces is often priceless. By the time you’re halfway through the series, you’ll be convinced Viggo Mortensen went through the whole trilogy with a blank stare.

1. I actually owned MERP some years ago, but never got around to playing it, or meeting anyone else who had. [↩]

Natalie Portman naked. Normally those words are used to drive gullible people to fraudulent web sites. In this case, those words will drive you to see The Darjeeling Limited before it leaves theaters.

The film is preceded by Hotel Chevalier, a short film starring Natalie and Jason Schwartzman. It provides a little backstory and context for the main film. It also provides you with an excellent reason to shell out $10.

I could make this review entirely about Natalie’s glorious visage. Forget launching a thousand ships; she could make Farrakhan convert to Judaism¹. But anyone who’d find that a worthwhile read is already at Fandango looking up show times.

And it would be unfair to the film, which is worth $10 on its own. For the first two acts, I felt this was Wes Anderson’s best work since Rushmore. Intriguing characters, great humor. Fantastic visual storytelling with beautiful sets. I can easily see this receiving Oscar nominations for art direction and cinematography. And speaking of beauty, Natalie isn’t the only babe in film. We’re introduced to Amara Karan, Sri Lanka’s answer to Rosario Dawson. And there’s even some gorgeous Louis Vuitton luggage (or is it baggage?) that gets its own prominent credit.²

Beyond the visuals there are some great songs on the soundtrack³. Instead of an original score, it comprises songs from other Indian films along with some British invasion classics. In particular, the theme song (Where Do You Go To (My Lovely) by Peter Sarstedt) has been stuck in my head since I left the theater. It tells the tale of a girl from modest means who enters high society in 1960’s Paris. Very Holly Golightly, causing me to draw further parallels between Audrey Hepburn and Natalie Portman. It’s first played during Natalie’s brief appearance, and I’ll probably forever associate it with her. It’s a hauntingly beautiful song, but don’t take my word for it. Have a listen (and pay attention to the lyrics):

My only complaint about the film is that pacing seemed to slow quite a bit during the third act⁴ . It made the film feel longer than it was, even though the run time is only 91 minutes. I began to expect closing credits at the end of each scene. However, I must give it props for a fitting and highly metaphorical final scene. It just takes a little while to get there.

1. It’s lines like this that keep TCT anonymous [↩]
2. Unfortunately, I can’t find it for sale anywhere, and it’s not listed on LV’s web site. I know it was custom made, as it was painted by Wes Anderson’s brother. But I was hoping to find a limited run somewhere, even if there’s no chance of affording it before I strike it rich. [↩]
3. Available on Rhapsody.com [↩]
4. In the film’s defense I was in an uncomfortable seat. [↩]

I just read the cast listing of the new Star Trek film and my reaction was, “Holy shit. Really?” I knew it was a prequel directed by J.J. Abrams. I had no idea how much they were going to reinvent the show. Here’s the cast:

Bones will be played by Karl Urban. This is the first severe departure as Karl has mainly played big tough guys in Doom, Bourne Supremacy, The Chronicles of Riddick, Lord of the Rings, even Xena. When you think of Bones, you don’t actually picture a guy who could crush your bones:

Sulu will be played by John Cho, aka Harold from Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle. He’s also the guy who introduced us to the term MILF in American Pie. But I don’t think he’s responsible for MILF Hunter. Anyway, not too big of a stretch. The real disappointment is that H&K2 won’t take place in Amsterdam. Lame.

Spock will be played by Zachary Quinto, Sylar from Heroes. Sylar is pretty emotionless, so he’s got practice, but I won’t be able to stop wondering when he’ll bash an alien in the head and steal its powers.

Scotty will be played by Simon Pegg. You of course remember him as Shaun of the Dead, and the super cop from Hot Fuzz. (If you didn’t see it, BTW, Hot Fuzz was awesome.) My first ignorant thought was, “But he’s not Scottish!” Then I remembered James Doohan was Canadian and faked the accent. This is my favorite casting; Simon Pegg kicks ass.

Well, everyone else is an unknown, except for Eric Bana who plays Nero. I’m assuming that’s the bad guy. He’s probably an alien gambler who turns into an unstoppable green monster when he loses money. And it looks like Nimoy will make an appearance as Old Spock. But I’m rather concerned, because I think Shatner is practically irreplaceable. It just occurred to me that Kirk is about as hard to cast as Batman. And by that logic, Christian Bale is the only choice to play him. If you can make an awesome Batman (best ever!), you can make an awesome Kirk. I just wish Abrams had asked me before he picked some random dude.

“3:10 to Yuma” is currently sitting at the #1 spot for movies I’ve liked this year.� This could possibly be because I don’t recall all that many movies but this seriously was one awesome movie.� There was some great dialog, some great action, and some great acting.� I’ll leave the real review to Agent Archangel but in case anyone was on the fence about this one… go see it!

I am really curious to see the original now as I hear that was also good.

So, yeah, this is late. I didn’t mean to wait this long, in fact I started this a while ago and just forgot about it. On the plus side, I’ve seen a lot more films since I started the piece. Unfortunately, that didn’t add much. I was going for the obvious top 10 list, but had trouble finding an obvious top 10. Then it hit me - I’ll just list the movies I loved. OK, I loved only two movies last year, but there were another 5 that I thought were awesome. 7’s a lucky number, so we’re going with that.

As usual, this post and all reviews I link to are completely spoiler-free.

Loved it!

Art School Confidential
Funny, insightful, wry. I didn’t go to art school, but this film portrays archetypes so I felt in on the joke the whole way through. Even if you just had an art department in your school, or have dealt with artists, you’ll know these characters. Maybe you are one. Certainly, many guys can relate to pursuing something grand just to get girls. It’s from Terry Zwigoff and Daniel Clowes, the creators of Ghost World, which I think was even better.

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
Do I really need to say anything about this one? Just make sure you watch the deleted scenes on the DVD (which looks like a bootleg disc from the eastern bloc equivalent of Memorex).

Awesome!

Casino Royale
Perhaps because I’m no expert in the early Bond films, I thought this was the best yet. Just read Masterchief’s review and the ensuing comments. Clearly, a movie near and dear to every Crack Team Agent in the field.

The Departed
A brilliant film that won all the major awards and deserved them. It’s really weird for a real man like me to admit liking the films of Leonardo DiCaprio, but his recent films - Gangs of New York, The Aviator, Blood Diamond, and Catch Me If You Can - have all been fantastic. Yes, of course, let’s credit Scorcese for most of that. Perhaps that will be Scorcese’s true legacy: the man who made DiCaprio less fruity. (Just kidding! Mostly. Stop yelling!)

Miami Vice
Another great film by Michael Mann, who gave it the Heat treatment. As Agent Renegade has often said, Heat is probably one of the most underrated (or perhaps under-appreciated) films of the last two decades. A tough, gritty film, very little like the series. I’d love to see this made into a franchise; we have so few action films of this quality, made for adults instead of 13 year olds.

V For Vendetta
Another film for us to enjoy and for author Alan Moore to get all pissed about and remove his name from. Strange and beautiful, which is also how I think of Natalie Portman. Again, read Masterchief’s review and ensuing comments for more, uh, commentary.

Idiocracy
This did not get near the credit it deserved. It is hilarious, and frighteningly insightful. It makes crazy fun of idiots, including idiot corporations, which is very likely what held it back. It’s directed by Mike Judge, and OK, it’s not Office Space, but practically nothing is. This is probably more laugh out loud funny, and there are scenes where you’ll hit pause and marvel at the image on the screen. I’m thinking especially of a city skyline that you won’t soon forget.

Really Good!

Blood Diamond
As Renegade said, it’s not a light evening’s entertainment, but it’s very well made. Like Hotel Rwanda, I felt enlightened when it was over. However, I also felt depressed. Surprisingly, it was not because of DiCaprio’s accent, which I thought was going to drive me nuts but didn’t. If you want to be further enlightened on the ridiculous diamond trade, Wired has a fascinating article about synthetic diamonds. In fact, if you get your girlfriend to see this movie and read that article, you’ll save a fortune on your engagement ring.

Children of Men
A film of great impact and craftsmanship. This would be in most people’s top 10, but I’m not most people. For me, it joins films like Requiem for a Dream that I’m glad I saw, but I’m unlikely ever to see again. This is because I’m never in a mood to be depressed. So I may never see films like The Pianist, House of Sand and Fog, or Babel, but don’t let that stop you! Clive Owen and Michael Caine were superb.

Clerks II
I’m sure a lot of you are surprised I didn’t put this up top, what with my vast collection of Kevin Smith t-shirts (pretty much all of them). And I thought this was hysterical, and still quote it. But it just didn’t have the impact many of his other films did, and it’s hard not to compare this to them.

Flags of Our Fathers
Letters from Iwo Jima
These were stories that had to be told. I wrote a full review of Flags, but never did one for Letters. They are companion pieces, so obviously it’d be a shame to see one and not the other.

Inside Man
An entertaining and clever caper movie. It’s rare when you’re rooting for both the good guy and the bad guy. Clive Owen kicks ass (obviously, and literally) and Denzel was Denzel, which is good enough for me.

Invincible
The feel-good movie of this list! Nicely captures the era and city, as I mentioned in my full review.

Little Miss Sunshine
Enjoyable, quirky film. Alan Arkin and Steve Carell really stand out.

Lucky Number Slevin
A complex but entertaining ganster/caper/comedy. Fun film, good cast. Did I mention Lucy Liu? She so cute…

Mission: Impossible III
Probably the best in the series. Directed by J.J. Abrams of Alias and Lost fame, and starring Philip Seymour Hoffman, one my generation’s greatest actors. Everyone else does a solid job, too.

Rocky Balboa
Just a great way to end a franchise. Fitting, realistic, and never sells out.

Superman Returns
Screw you, I liked this. OK, maybe I just love Superman, the archetypal superhero. You can read my full review, which includes a rather complete rundown of alternate casting.

Thank You for Smoking
Smart, witty comedy. I never felt like I was being lectured, even though I learned a few things. But the Katie Holmes sex scene got way too much hype for what it was, so don’t get your hopes up there.

AbbyShot is a company that makes replica costumes from famous movies (although not always in an official capacity, judging by the names, or lack thereof). Some interesting stuff. And you don’t have to wonder if you’d look silly in them. AbbyShot uses real scifi geeks as models, removing all guesswork!

If you’re hung up on Uma Thurman (and I know some of you are), you can get the jacket she wore in Kill Bill. They also have Neo’s coat from The Matrix, which looks really cool, but I’m concerned about the response I’d get if I tried to wear it. “Holy shit! Agent Smith ate Neo and stole his coat! You’re dead, you fuckin’ coat stealer!” pummel pummel pummel

No, they’ve got exactly one coat that I could pull off. Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

While Kevin Smith inspired me to pursue filmmaking (albeit lazily and half-heartedly, with slightly less effort than I muster for breathing), I aspire to create movies like Judd Apatow’s. Knocked Up was awesome the whole way through. There are parts where Apatow just machine guns you with jokes, which are hilarious, because he had the balls to make it Rated R. Unsurprisingly, it’s already 163 on the IMDB Top 250. And man, is Katherine Heigl is hot (I call dibs. Sorry.). So if you were thinking of waiting for the DVD, aww, man, so sorry, ’cause you’re totally not doing that. ‘Cause I said so. And you’re welcome.

Here’s a humorous riff on Marvel’s movie obsession. If you read (between the lines of) Variety, you know that Marvel’s got so many movies in the works because former head Avi Arad has a serious producer fantasy. Probably from watching too much Entourage. Of course, it’s fairly common among captains of industry; same thing goes for other Mark Cuban and Jeff Skoll. Just become a billionaire and all your wildest entertainment industry dreams will come true. In a way, it’s the modern American equivalent of rich European merchants and land owners buying a royal title. Producer, Lord - it’s all the same thing. I haven’t seen anyone buy themselves a writer or director title, so I plan to be the first. Hopefully, it’s cheaper than producer.

I recently rented Monster House on DVD. Some photorealistic shots ala Toy Story, and the house looked like an incredibly complex model, especially as it breaks aparts and comes alive. Overall, it was OK, but I had higher expectations (for the story, not the animation).

However, the DVD does have a hidden gem. While checking out the special features I saw a section on concept art. I was expecting the usual pencil sketches, maybe a couple quick color illustrations. Instead, I was happily blown away by these fantastic concept paintings by Chris Appelhans. It’s Norman Rockwell meets Vincent Price (and maybe Chuck Jones). They lose a bit on a monitor, but look great blown up on a widescreen TV.

This is awesome. I was visiting the web site for Mann’s Theatres, when I read these truly heartwarming words on their locations page:

Children under 5 will not be admitted to “PG-13″ OR “R” rated films

Bless their hearts. I can’t wait for other theatres (you listening, Cinemark?) to follow suit. And also, I’ve always preferred the British spelling of theatres.

So I hadn’t rented from Netflix in a while, and thought it was time to remedy that. Especially with most TV shows having a season finale in May. I was actually surfing the site for a while before I noticed the “Watch Now” tab at the top. It turns out that Netflix now has over 2,000 movies available for streaming. I was amazed that they never sent me so much as an email about this major new feature. I can only guess that since I wasn’t costing them any money, they didn’t want to remind me I had a subscription, which is pretty lame of them. So I now must punish them by making up for my dormancy.

The feature is pretty simple, find a movie and hit play. You need to download a proprietary player, but that’s all quick and painless. Harvey, a 4:3 black and white film looked good in full screen on my 21″ monitor. The Italian Job (Marky Mark version) also looked good (certainly Charlize Theron did), but at 2.35:1, it used maybe 1/3 of my screen. Video quality is based on bandwidth; my connection rated “high”, which is the best offered at 1.6 to 2.2+ Mbps.

There is a limit on viewing, you get 1 hour per dollar you pay monthly. So my discounted 4-DVD plan gives me 20 hours of viewing per month. A nice, cost-free bonus.

Update: Looks like there’s an 18 hour cap, despite their wording. And another problem is that I was “charged” 1h50m for The Italian Job, even though I watched at most 10 minutes of it. So know that you’ll be dinged for the whole movie, even if you watch just a part of it.

The selection is pretty small by Netflix standards, but if I hadn’t already seen so many films, it might appear better. Here’s a partial list of movies I gave 5 stars to, which are available for instant playing:

The Bridge on the River Kwai
Casablanca
Chinatown
A Clockwork Orange
Cool Hand Luke
The Day the Earth Stood Still
The Dirty Dozen
Harvey
The Jerk
North by Northwest
Run Lola Run
Strangers on a Train: Special Edition

Now some movies, if you watch them on a computer screen, should get your subscription canceled. I mean, The Matrix? But many shouldn’t suffer at all from small screen viewing. And if you really cared about quality, you would have seen it in the theater.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=eqh5O9LbjhY

A Crackteam agent sent me this link from YouTube and I HAD to share it for a good laugh.

It’s a rap video montage of clips from the movies of Weng Weng [from IMDb], and music stylings from The Chuds [from MySpace]. The collaboration was edited and produced by John R. of the R Room. It’s taken a couple views to really appreciate it since my attention during the first round went to the visuals and camera tricks. But the lyrics to the soundtrack song, “Weng Weng Overture,” are equally entertaining. They can be read at The Chuds MySpace page.

I’m a little late to the phenomenon of Weng Weng [from WikiPedia], but of all the Kung Fu and spy spoofs I’ve seen his look to be the most entertaining. Films credits include “For Y’ur Height Only” and “The Impossible Kid”, which received 8/10 stars on IMDb from 50 dedicated voters. There’s even a drink named after him, called the Weng Weng. Well, that may be a false claim but it should be true.

It is very rare when a movie lives up to the lofty expectations that the trailer has set. The trailer for 300 set my expectations incredibly high, but the film did not disappoint.

Part of me thinks this review is pointless. If you saw the trailer, you want to see it. Heck, I just watched it again and thought, “Wow, this movie looks awesome, I’ve gotta see this!”

But, perhaps a poor critical review is keeping you from watching it. If so, know that the critics are wrong, and the people have spoken. This film is already in the top 200 films of all time on the IMDB. Of the 37,000 voters who’ve rated it, almost 75% gave it a 9 or 10 (actually, close to 60% give it a perfect 10). Also, the only critic who matters is Roger Ebert, and he didn’t review it.

But not only must you see it in the theatre, you must see it in IMAX. I promise you, you will hate yourself if you wait for video. Seriously, I don’t care how good your home theatre is, it can’t do this movie justice. If you wait for DVD, there will be much wailing (from you) and gnashing of teeth (Yes, your teeth. Totally gnashed.).

The film is a visually stunning masterpiece. It begs for IMAX, and IMAX delivers. Make no mistake - this is not a regular movie thrown on an IMAX screen, it is a special print mastered in the IMAX format. We saw it at The Bridge in LA, and except for some seats in the very last row (behind some stupid railing), there didn’t seem to be a bad seat in the house. We even sat towards the back-left, but the screen is so monstrous we seemed to be barely off center.

The fight scenes? Incredible. The sex scenes? Filmed on a cold set, apparently. You might miss that in some small theater, but not with IMAX. See? IMAX is looking out for you.

The sound is also fantastic. A deep bass rumbles as the largest army ever assembled marches on screen. As shields bash skulls. As a god-king whispers. Seriously, the man has no “inside voice”.

The casting was excellent. Gerard Butler was the epitome of the warrior king, and I expect more leading roles from him in the future. I also expect - and this is written without the slightest hint of irony or sarcasm - that you will see a surge in the number of boys named Leonidas. I don’t think think, however, we will be seeing many girls named Gorgo, despite Lena Headey’s portrayal of the beautiful and strong queen. I do think we’ll see a lot more of Kelly Craig (Oracle Girl), assuming Larry Ellison doesn’t run off and marry her. Heck, here’s some more Oracle Girl right now:

Continuing 300’s affect on pop culture, I also predict that MSU will have this film playing on campus, and steal the music and dialogue clips to get their teams pumped, for most of eternity. And just about every new local sports team will want to call themselves the Spartans. And the next NFL expansion team will be the LA Spartans, so we can say LA is home to both the Spartans and the Trojans.

For those who’ve already seen it, I’ve compiled a list of titles for further viewing. I haven’t seen these, but have added them to my Netflix queue. Unfortunately, none of these have Kelly Craig.

• Beowulf & Grendel: Starring Gerard Butler as Beowulf.
• Last Stand of the 300: History Channel special on the subject. Unfortunately, it only had one airing and now they want you to buy the DVD. I’ll wait.
• The 300 Spartans: 1962 film depicting the same battle.
• Imagine Me & You: If you want to see more of Lena Headey, she plays a lesbian temptress in this romantic comedy. So what I’m saying is, you want to see more of Lena Headey.

Some Crack Team members will appreciate this.

Several people have praised this movie to me, yet they added the postscript: What is the movie about?? Without giving anything away, let me point you to the Will Durant quote that opens the movie:

“A great Civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within.”

Some movies give it all up in the title; I’m thinking ‘Snakes on a Plane’ and ‘Free Willie’ for starters. You know there are snakes on an aircraft and you know Willie will go free. Oops. I hope I didn’t spoil that classic movie for you by giving you the ending. And yet there was enough doubt about the outcome to engender a “Free Willie 2″ and “Free Willie: the Revenge” : )

So let’s go back to the name of the movie: Apocalypto. This brings up all sorts of end-of-the-world images and references the book of the Apocalypse in the Bible (also known as the Book of Revelations) which recounts all sorts of bloody battles and the final match between Good and Evil in the history of humanity. So you know something cataclysmic will take place, and also that established cultures will meet and clash. That’s all I’m saying before I head into the spoilers that follow……

Read the rest of this entry »

In response to criticism (such as the documentary This Film Is Not Yet Rated) the Motion Picture Association of America and the National Association of Theater Owners are working to make their process more transparent. That’s good. They’re also going to offer a new warning to parents that some R-rated movies are unsuitable for children, even when accompanied by an adult. That’s utterly worthless, and the coward’s way out. See, the parents that bring children to movies loaded with violent and pornographic content aren’t clueless about the movie they’re about to see.

They’re just horrible parents.

I’m not talking about the parent that brings his 15 year old to The Last Kiss to find out there’s several sex scenes that the trailer didn’t even hint at. I’m talking about the mother who brings her 5 year olds to see The Cell. The parents who bring their pre-teens to Blade II. And the parents who complain because the theatre won’t let their 3 year old in for free to see The Exorcist! By the way, these are all real examples I’ve witnessed firsthand here in southern California. It happens all the time.

Roger Ebert has said about two films, “If this movie doesn’t get an NC-17 for violence, no movie ever will.” The films where Hannibal and The Passion of the Christ, and after seeing both I heartily agree. And yet they initially gave an NC-17 to Clerks for language! The MPAA just wants to soothe their aching conscience. These people live in the area of the country that I do, so they can’t be blind to their contributions to the delinquency of minors. I’m not for eschewing parental responsibility. But if we can do something, even a small gesture, to lessen the psychological damage these selfish parents will inflict on their children, shouldn’t we?