Archangel in particular will enjoy this article.
http://www.midwestsportsfans.com/2010/07/video-10-hilarious-stand-up-moments-with-louis-ck/
Lakewood, NJ
Electronics technician.
music composition, computers/hardware, gaming, autos, debating current events.
Something I’ve joked about for years.
Nice argument starter.
I am a tech junkie. I have seven computers (despite the fact that there’s only four of us living here). There’s six TVs, three satellite radio receivers, four DVD players, and we each have our own Nintendo DSi. Two PSPs as well.
I am sure this impresses no one on the Crack Team, and may even be laughable to some. The Crack Team contains many savvy enthusiasts that most would find to be eccentric. I disagree with this assertion. I’d like to think we are NORMAL while everyone else falls below the mark as far as tech goes.
I’ll explain with an example.
My wife is the head Veterinary Technician at a 24 hour animal emergency hospital. She knows things about medicine I will never know, and she is definitely smarter than any other woman I’ve been with.
That said, she is a complete fucking idiot when it comes to tech. Although she has come a long way since she’s been with me, she will never get to our level.
True story – When I met her, she thought that the computers main ‘body’ or case was called the “modem.” It took a long time for her to stop calling it that. Whenever she had a problem, she would confuse the hell out of me by saying that she turned the modem on, but saw nothing on the screen.
This is just one example of many.
Just the other week, I had to show her where the “search” function was on her Rhapsody account. It’s not as if they hide these things on purpose. If anything they WANT you to easily search through their catalog. Boom, there it is right on top. You scrolled down too quickly.
This kind of stuff happens frequently and not just with Rhapsody. She’ll download something, but can’t find where it went even though she CHOSE it’s download location.
I can tell when it’s time to help her before she even asks. She’ll be at her laptop, then she’ll start huffing and shaking her head. Finally she’ll say something like “I hate computers.”
and I think I know why.
Two reasons:
One: The majority of tech software and hardware is designed FOR tech people. This is why the few tech companies that CATER to the lesser-savvy majority, are so successful. It’s true! Companies with great products are far more successful when they dumb-down their interface.
Take Google for example. The king of online search. Why is this so? They aren’t the oldest.
Lets look at their main page. (Do not sign in)
Note how basic it is! Sure it’s not flashy, but as far as functionality goes, 99.9% of users can use this page without instruction.
Now let’s look at Yahoo, a veteran search provider. I admit I use Yahoo frequently despite Google’s popularity. However it’s easy to see why most don’t. It’s interface is complicated when placed next to Google’s. There are many viewing options, and even if you want the most basic layout, you must go through some steps to get there and have your setting saved, which of coarse is only available if you remain signed in on your own computer.
It’s this simple: Users and customers don’t like to think. They don’t have time! They want something basic that works with no effort and there’s plenty of companies who thrive off of this.
Apple understands this all too well.
The iPod is not the first disk-free player, yet they capitalize on design and interface so well, that many of Apple’s sheep THINK they invented the mobile media device.
The same goes for the iPhone.
My first PDA-phone was the Samsung SCH-i700 I got back in 2003 (which was nowhere near the first PDA-phone hybrid).
Utilizing a mobile version of Windows, it was amazing. It had a swiveling camera, memory card slot, 3.5 inch touch screen, played MP3s and movies, and connected to my computer for file transfers and backup. It even had a true 3D pool game that I played for hours a day. I was so happy with this device, that I showed it off to everyone I knew.
Fast forward to 2007. I’ve been through two more PDA-phones by this point, my favorite being the HTC 6700 which came with a built-in joystick which was GREAT for gaming, but still a serious PDA to it’s core.
Suddenly people are coming up to me and showing off their new iPhone with the “first ever touch screen” with camera and music player built in.
Excuse me? Did I miss something here? What’s new about this? The CAPACITIVE touchscreen is new, although most had no idea what that even meant.
I grabbed their iPhone and was less than impressed. Although I can see why teens would like this device. It was fun, easy to use… but a little “basic” for me. It was like holding a cartoon in my hand. As opposed to my PDA-phones which were like holding a mini-computer. And even today I still prefer resistive touchscreens for the precision you only get with a stylus, plus the ability to use anything to manipulate the screen. IE fingers, pens, toothpicks, whatever.
Not to mention how HORRIBLY slow the internet was on the iPhone with AT&T. All I wanted to do was show someone what a Bird-of-Paradise flower looked like. I’m not exaggerating when I say it took 30 minutes to accomplish. Pages loaded so slowly, that I would have to put the phone down, do something else, and come back to check the progress. I’m reminded of those Commodore 64 days where you’d have to load a program with the tape player by pressing PLAY and then go outside to skate for a while before checking back to see if we could play Joust yet. Also the iPhone had a tendency to disconnect from it’s data service, which means you had to reconnect and start browsing online from scratch, NOT from where you left off.
The experience was FAR from what the commercials showed, although I’m sure the latest generation iPhone is far better even though it took years for the device to live up to the original hype.
But again, Apple did it right. Commercials, commercials, commercials, and a simple interface designed for the masses.
I am NOT in any way ridiculing anyone on the team if they happen to own an iPhone. If I had extra money, I might own one too. It’s a fun device with many uses. However I am turned off by the lack of customization when compared to a windows based device.
As with any PDA, to get some interesting hacks out of the iPhone you must unlock the firmware. However on the iPhone, if you “jailbreak” the device for expanded uses, you run the risk of being banned from the app community and other Apple services.
HTC on the other hand could give a rats ass what you do with their phones. It’s at your own risk. Play all you want.
Back at the end of 2007, I had a HTC 6800 which had a hidden GPS chip installed for future research. It was not meant for public use, but thanks to the underground/mod community, users were able to reflash the stock ROM with a GPS enabled one. So basically, I had a PDA-Phone with true GPS (actual satellite link) WAY before this was even marketed as a standard feature in other phones. In fact, the iPhone didn’t get true GPS until 2009.
Why is this? Simple. The GPS feature in my 6800 back in 2007 was not without flaws. The device took about 2 minutes to get a solid position lock, and it would only update your position once every ten seconds, which is an eternity when you are driving.
It took about a month of further tweaking to get the GPS to a solid usable state.
So you see why these kind of features take so long to reach the community. Customers want things to work flawlessly, straight out of the box. Which is great, but the downfall for such reliability is that once these kinds of features are released, they are far from cutting-edge anymore.
Now back to my point. Companies that commercialize well, and distribute a product or feature with 3rd grade usability, will be successful.
And now the second reason why the majority are not tech-junkies:
They aren’t given enough time.
Technology upgrades far faster than it needs to.
Unfortunately, consumers demand products to be faster, smaller, and more eco-friendly without knowing why. The only real gain for them is to SAY they own the fastest, smallest, and cleanest product, when the reality is; they haven’t gotten full use out of the existing product yet.
What there needs to be is a final exam. Most don’t enter 4th grade without graduating 3rd. So why buy iKewl 2.0 when you barely understand the functions of iKewl 1.0? It’s because they aren’t given much choice. Suddenly you can’t find iKewl 1.0 anymore. Commercials brainwash you to the point where you feel you can’t exist without iKewl 2.0, and anyone still using iKewl 1.0 is a fucking loser.
Thankfully, this is where we fit in. As anyone who reads Dilbert knows, just as there’s a few people who easily understand advanced math, and others who can quickly pick up a foreign language, there are some people who just get technology. I don’t believe it’s something that can be taught. either you have it or you don’t.
I took three years of Spanish in high-school, yet still, I barely understand anything past the Taco Bell menu. Although I could learn the language, it would require a lot of time and energy that I don’t have. My brain is just not wired to pick this stuff up as easily as others do.
But when it comes to electronics….
This is embarrassing, but I’m going to tell you this anyway in hopes that someone else may feel the same way or at least get a laugh out of this. (Comedy comes before pride):
When I open a new box to something electrical for the first time…. like a new laptop for example. I am much like an animal with a fresh kill. I don’t want to be crowded. GET AWAY! grrrr. I’ll show you later, after I’m done looking it over.
I even smell the item. I’m serious. New electronics have a certain smell, much like the new-car-smell which doesn’t last long, but fills me with a sense of – “oooh good things are going to happen!”
In my house the rule is, it doesn’t matter what the item is or who it’s for. If it has a power button,… I am the first to open it. I don’t care if it’s a freaking vacuum cleaner, my wife ordered. I must be the one to open it, play with all the accessories,…. and of coarse smell it.
Before you laugh, you must consider it from my viewpoint. Chances are, I am the one who needs to put it together anyway, teach others how to use it correctly, not to mention the one who must deal with it if it breaks or has missing parts. It’s best for me to “test drive” the item first to insure the user can’t blame anything on factory defects.
So back to the point. Soon The crack Team will get their hands on a portable teleportation device. It will be great. We can just appear on the East Coast for a nice dinner in New York, then (swoosh) right back to California! Practically for free! (The machine will use no more power than a fridge).
But of coarse, two years after that, the Apple iZoom will come out. It will only have a range of 100 miles, and teleport sites must be Apple approved or it wont work. BUT it will come in many nifty colors with an incredibility easy to operate, one-button interface.
Zoom away!
My sister bought me Rock Band 2 for Christmas. I’m a little late to the rhythm beat-style game phenomenon, but I was instantly hooked and so was my wife and kids. So much so, that I went driving all around the next weekend looking for a second guitar since there’s four of us in the house, but the game ‘only’ comes with one guitar, a microphone and a drum set. The following weekend, I got the cymbal attachments for my drum-set. “I call drums!”
We now have a room pretty much devoted to this game.
Last Saturday (with a little alcohol) we played the game from 8pm until 3am. Kids too.
I’m telling ya…, hooked up to a nice tv with a good sound setup, you easily feel as if you are really playing that shit.
Which brings me to my point.
I FEEL as though I am playing but I KNOW I am not.
I have no delusions that I am actually a rock star despite my hours of fake drumming. None at all. Yes I feel that MAYBE I have a better sense of timing. Yes MAYBE I have a better understanding of using both hands and feet while following a beat. BUT I AM NO ROCK STAR. I CAN NOT PLAY DRUMS.
I am so sick of hearing mediocre musicians (and the media) criticize people who play the game.
They make blanket statements like this: “Guitar Hero punks who think they can really play guitar.”
Lets get something straight. NO ONE WHO PLAYS THESE GAMES, BELIEVES THEY CAN REALLY PLAY AN INSTRUMENT BECAUSE OF IT. NO ONE. Please show me ONE person, just one, who truly thinks this way because I have yet to see it.
As soon as I put the band controllers down, I return to my no-music-talent world of dullness, and I am fully aware of it.
Why all the hate over these music games?
You never hear NASA criticize people for playing Mass Effect. “So what, you think your some kind of astronaut now?”
Nor does the NFL come down on anyone. “Look at him playing Madden 09,… he thinks he’s a real football player!”
Hell, even those people who do that role playing with costumes don’t get as much flak. And they are throwing tennis balls in place of Magic Missiles! However, when the costume comes off, the player doesn’t continue to believe they are really wizards.
I will admit that one time while mixing prescription meds and playing Nintendo, I was pretty sure I was Mario. I did a lot of damage to my house with a hammer that day…
Anyway, to all the insecure musicians out there…
Look, I’m sorry that when I press four buttons on a guitar shaped joystick, that it somehow attacks your thrashing credibility.
Maybe if you stopped worrying about what I do in my living room and started practicing more, you’d actually get laid. and believe me, once you get laid for the first time, you will forget all about Guitar Hero.
Let me know how it works out.
ly evil.
Lately it seems every reference to wrongdoing is now compared to Hitler or at least one of his actions. It’s especially seen on the news. People believe that their point won’t be realized unless the reader/viewer comes to terms with the following:
If you disagree with me, you are pretty much a Nazi.
and it works. “I don’t want to be like Hitler! So I agree with you!”
Hitler. The go-to bad guy, king of the unholy.
Did he set the bar or what?
Osama Bin Ladin is like “helloooo, I’m blowing things up here! Compare something to me!”
Even Satan’s sighing “You know… once everyone blamed ME for all the evil in the world.”
Dude. Hitler gased and cooked millions of innocents, wanted to take over as much of the world as possible, and got much of his country to agree with his actions. Wow!
When it came to charisma, this dude rolled an 18 for sure.
Sorry Satan, but anything short of armageddon ain’t going to outshine Hitler’s life. Stop dancing around in that lame red ensemble, drop the pitchfork and get to work.
And Osama, look at you! at least Hilter knew the importance of grooming. Hitler was married to Eva Braun. She was hot!
Come on Osama. Hanging out in caves plotting with other men day after day, does nothing for your image.
All I’m saying is, when it came to evil, Hitler turned it up to eleven.
Hitler is to bad
like
golf balls are to hail.
Without him, there’d be no decent reference.
You gotta respect a guy for giving it his all.
Like it or not. He’s immortal.
This means I’m the most productive employee ever. I’m going to show this study to my employers and ask for a raise.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090402/lf_nm_life/us_work_internet
I thought I’d post this explanation in case anyone else has problems with getting Firefox to prompt for password recall at EVERY site you need it to. Yahoo, Paypal, and some other portals fail to recall the password, even when forced with that old bookmark trick. (stopped working after Firefox2)
Found on the net and works for me:
Find and open with notepad…
C:\Program Files\Mozilla Firefox\components\nsLoginManager.js
or
\Program Files (x86) if using 64 bit windows.
Then, find this part in the code…
_isAutocompleteDisabled : function (element) {
if (element && element.hasAttribute(“autocomplete”) &&
element.getAttribute(“autocomplete”).toLowerCase() == “off”)
return true;
change the “true” to “false” and save over the original file.
Don’t worry if you screw it up, just delete the file and Firefox will replace it when reinstalled. So far, Firefox updates have not removed the modification. So I didn’t have to go back and perform the edit again.
I’m at Best Buy with my kids looking for a DVD for a show called “The PJ’s”. Does anyone remember this show?
I remember loving it, but not too many details because it wasn’t on for more than a few seasons.
So I ask the chick working in the DVD section, “Do you have a DVD for ‘The PJ’s'?”.
She answers with a glossy look.
“The PJ’s? On Fox? Couldn’t have been more than ten years ago???”
This is when my world comes crashing down around me as I realize that the 20-year-old standing in front of me would more easily remember her trip to the petting zoo when she was 10, than what was on prime time television a decade ago.
Dang it, “Let’s go to the computer and check inventory so at least you don’t think I’m crazy.” She types in PJ’s, but the closest thing that comes up is PJ Harvey. “No not that. Type in Eddie Murphy.”
Coming to America, Raw, Shrek no no no. What the *uck?
I leave Best Buy feeling like a crazy old fool.
At home I immediately searched the web. Yep, I’m not crazy. Ran for 40 episodes. Won Three Emmys. and…. no DVDs were produced for the series. Come again? Emmy award winning series and no DVDs are out?
Turns out there is some legal despute or some nonsense preventing a DVD release. Equally vague is the reason for a top rated series getting canceled. It ranges from Eddie Murphy clashes with Fox/WB to high production costs.
Either way I felt like returning to Best Buy with this information just to show them I’m not an idiot.
Bottom line: Have a 20-year-old train in the Nickelodeon and MTV section first, before giving her run of the entire TV DVD section. Thank god I wasn’t looking for a season of M*A*S*H. “oooh my grandpa told me about that show! Right this way, sir.”
Now that Obama is on his way to America’s throne, (note throne/toilet double-meaning) I wish him the best of luck with the turd Bush left for him. I personally did not vote this year because I did not like either choice. Playing eenie-meenie-mynee-moe at the booth is nonsense.
I have nothing against Obama, it’s just that I’ve never heard of the guy until the “bandwagon” effect started rolling, and yes I do follow politics. On the other hand I’m not voting for a Bush-clone either.
The fact is, Obama’s intelligent, well spoken, educated…. and black. Don’t try to correct me about his race. The community defines your race, not your blood-line. So as long as the black community emraces him as one of their own… he’s black.
Now here’s my request: Please for the love of humanity, stupid, racist, KKK, Nazi, skinhead, rednecks, leave this one alone. You don’t have to love him, but please just leave him be. My biggest fear is what would happen to America if he was assassinated by one of these kooks.
It will push race relations back 50 years. Riots will break out in every major city. We finally live in a time where whites don’t feel the need to feel sorry for errors of past generations, but this will all be erased if anything happens to Obama. It doesn’t help much that the (to be) Vice President is about as gringo as they come. People will start conspiracy theories about how this was the plan all along.
The fact that 60% percent of Obama’s voters were white will not help our cause. Another black hero dies, and it would probably be a long time before another gets to the same position.
So please gripe all you want if his performance gives you a reason to, but either way lets leave violent racism in the 20th century.
note to FBI/CIA: You’ve probably received some automated alarms related to some key wording I’ve used in this rant, so just to be clear: Neither I, nor anyone I know, is connected in any way to plots, designs, meetings or individuals with intent to bring harm upon any public figure.
But I have been sharing privileged information concerning Roswell.
Suck on that.
I’ve received an automated notification that if I don’t contribute to the blog soon, I risk losing my rank as “commander”. I sure as hell don’t want to be demoted to a measly “admiral”.
Truth is I didn’t think I had anything relevant or topical to add lately, but that is unfair to the crackteam organization. There’s always something relevant if you think hard enough!
THREE THINGS I’VE LEARNED ABOUT MY WIENER THIS YEAR.
number1
No matter how sure you are you didn’t get any on your hands, never “handle yourself” after using Ben-Gay.
While not completely uninteresting, the cooling sensation will last for hours. It can be especially uncomfortable in the winter.
number2
No matter how careful you think you are, never use your crotch to secure your drilling site.
Sounds like an obvious one, yet there I was holding vinyl shutters on top of my legs while sitting on my front steps. I drilled about 20 holes before it happened.
As soon as I broke through, the drill bit drove into my pants and twisted up everything on it’s way down. While not breaking skin, I still had to reverse the drill to release the tool from my tool all while trying to maintain the look of “nothing to see here. I know what I’m doing” because the only thing worse than drilling through your crotch is looking like a fool to the neighborhood.
Moving on…
Number3
Sometimes it’s best to sit when you pee.
Follow with me here. It’s a complicated one.
I was trying to remove some stickers from a control panel. They are stuck on using a permanent sticky glue. It’s worse than sap when it gets on your hands. It’s meant to stick to anything and I had gotten some of it on my fingers.
Later I had to pee, so there I was standing over the toilet after I was done with the stickers. I pulled my johnson out long enough to make sure the aim was correct, then tried to let go. I TRIED to let go. But I wasn’t letting go. The glue was forcing me to maintain hold of… myself and I ended up spraying all over the walls of the “executive” bathroom while trying to shake myself free. So a 30 second wizz turned into a 15 minute scrub down.
Well that’s it for now. I’ll be sure to get back to you next year when I learn all kinds of great new things about my wiener.
I saw Front Line Assembly for the first time at BB Kings, May 3rd.
Acumen Nation and The Start, opened.
FLA’s playlist was fantastic since they were set up like a band (drums/guitars riffs) which is my favorate style for them. There’s nothing worse than watching an industrial one-man-band sit in front of a laptop while hopping and down trying to get the crowd into it.
Bill Leeb was in a sarcastic mood. He apolagized for the tour-bus-incident last time he tried to come to NY. The smoke machine ran out of fluid, so he suggested we all fart to keep the mist alive. He also voiced his aggrevation at the lack of any PA system so he couldn’t tell how they sounded, but it wasn’t that bad.
Although I didn’t recognize the other band members, I overheard someone point to Chris Peterson and someone else said Rhys Fulber wasn’t there. I can’t confirm any of this.
After performing, they came back for an oncore including Mindphaser that was phenomenal.
After the show we ate at Lucille’s restaurant, located in the same building. When we were done, we went outside to get a cab and found Bill Leeb (my idol) was just hanging out on the curb while they were loading the tour bus. He was practically alone! It figures I went through two batteries on my camera to get 1.5 gig of pictures and videos. (requests?). Even my cell phone was dead after searching for a signal in the underground club for 4 hours.
So I ended up just gawking at him like a teenager, think of nothing better to say than “duh…, I like music!” as he finished up outside and hopped on the bus.
Next time I will be better prepared.
Tags: industrial
Some Crack Team members will appreciate this.
Tags: monty python, star trek, video
So I was in Lonestar steakhouse, waiting for my order and I had this wonderful thought:
Christians use the cross as a symbol of Christ. What would we have used if he was hanged? Would we all worship a noose?
Instead of performing the devotional gesture of a cross on our chests, we’d have to trace a hand around our neck and pull up on an imaginary rope with our tongue sticking out.
Good thing they didn’t have the electric chair back then. It would make for some horrible looking necklaces.
In closing, if I were a great man, and died by stepping on a land mine, please don’t worship the thing that killed me. Just worship me.
(Also, no statues or artwork depicting the moment I was blown to bits. Thanks.)
My latest videos are up on Youtube.
No more child abuse stuff. If anything I’m the one being abused.
They just don’t teach this stuff in “daddy” school.
Power Rangers:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IBy8GC_JzE
Drama Queen II:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_ztZ1k46IY
So….
Anyone else want to rip their hair out trying to get those camera angles just right? I don’t remember this being such an issue with the first one.
Aside from that, GREAT GAME if you got the computer muscle to back it up. I had to add ANOTHER fan (5 total) to my case because it was sweating so bad. I’m not even sure why. The game is nice, but it doesn’t look better than Oblivion.
Hey Atari! Give us a camera upgrade! One that stays DIRECTLY behind the player would be nice.
Tags: video games
Two movies I made showing my bad parenting.
I saw this clip of a program called ASSIST (MIT) which is used as a design aid for mechanical applications.
Probably old-news to some Crack Team members, but the clip just started showing up and I though I’d share.
http://thatvideosite.voxcdn.com/core/3406/mit_digital_drawing_board.wmv
I’m told that Microsoft has a “Physics Illustrator” that works the same way.
Anyone have any experience with this kind of software?
I haven’t watched South Park in about 8 years, but last night I was flipping through channels and stopped dead on what I thought was some sort of game demo.
Turns out it was a South Park episode all about the game “World of Warcraft” and since I know some Crack Team members are into this, I had to watch it. Much of the episode includes actual gameplay.
The story line goes: There is this high level player going around killing characters for no reason. I guess that normally characters have to accept a duel before risking their characters’ lives? Well this guy is such a high level that he overrides this rule.
The staff at Blizzard Entertainment is worried because the guy can “kill” administrators’ characters, so even they can’t stop him.
Cartman and the gang figure that if they spend every waking hour for months on end (in hiding) they might reach a level high enough for the four of them to defeat him.
Can the gang of four, with the help of Stan’s dad(a noob) and Blizzard’s banned “Sword of a Thousand Truths”, defeat the serial killer?
Quotes from the show:
Blizzard staff: What kind of person would do this?
Blizzard President: Only one kind. Whoever this player is, he has played World of Warcraft nearly every hour of every day for the past year and a half. Gentlemen, we are dealing with someone here who… had absolutely no life.
Blizzard staff: How do you kill… that which has no life?
[think about that for a minute]
Blizzard staff: There are over seven million people who log on to World of Warcraft! Are you telling me all those people’s characters are going to die, and there’s nothing we can do to save them?
Blizzard President: Yes. And it won’t be long before everyone gets really really frustrated and stops playing altogether. Gentlemen, this could very well lead to the end of the World…… (of Warcraft).
Cartman:[Trying to convince others to join his cause.] If you had a chance right now to go back in time and stop Hitler, wouldn’t you do it? I mean, I personally wouldn’t stop him because I think he was awesome, but you would, right?
Tags: blizzard, video games
I been encouraged to post this clip of my daughter Haylee, everywhere I can.
It probably won’t “hit home” unless you have kids of your own. Otherwise, it may help you avoid having kids altogether.
I took this video about five months ago, shortly after her 5th birthday, to show what we go through dressing our daughter.
Here’s the rundown:
Haylee thinks the matching shirt is too big for the pants “Mommy brought me the biggest one of all!”
The pants are on too tight, pressing against her so that she can’t push her belly out. Yet if loosened one notch, they are too loose because she can see her underwear. So indead she wants to wear a “Trina” which is her word for “dress”.
Enjoy my torment:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJpl-RN_ji4
The second clip I have to offer is a movie titled “A man, A Desk and A Dream.”
It’s me at work, being stupid.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FY-108FoeEM
So Automobile Magazine just put out an article entitled The top 25 Most Beautiful Cars of All Time.
I’m an proud owner of the second-generation 300zx (90-96) which made the list.
I’m taking a lot of heat for this in the forums since everyone has their own idea about which cars belong on the list.
Stock 300zx
I agree that the list is lacking many favorites, but the real issue is that it’s too hard to make a list of only 25. The list should be “Top 100″ to be more fair.
One point people have made is that the list lacks “muscle cars” when they were in their prime. However I feel these cars were far from beautiful. (Badass, yes. But not beautiful.)
Many feel the 300zx doesn’t belong on the list. This is where I point out such facts as: The 90-96 300zx won Car and Driver’s ten best cars list EVERY SINGLE YEAR it was produced, as well as many other awards from other publications.
One forum fellow argued that if a 300zx were to pass by today, nobody would even give it a second look.
This is my point exactly! The 300zx was introduced with such a radical design from it’s previous edition (84-89) that it looked more like a concept car than a production car. It took years for other manufacturers to follow suit.
I believe the 300zx single handedly converted the auto industry’s styling from the dart-style of the 80′s to the bubble-look of today.
Don’t believe me? Do a search for ANY other car from the early 90′s and compare it to the 1990 300zx.
Mustang? RX7?
Or how about non-sporty cars that are popular today.
Civic? Accord?
It took years for the other manufacturers to catch up.
1992 Camaro
1993 Mustang
So in a way, the forum-fellow is correct. The 300zx wouldn’t get a second look today because this 16 year-old car still fits into to today’s styling.
Not to mention the upgrade potential!
Modded 300zx
If you are bored, you can log-in to Myspace and check out my 1990 300zx (and 1998 Maxima) pics at http://www.myspace.com/zerobalance
If you’re in a hurry just go down to the link and watch this amazing video to a song by a group called Muse.
But if you’ve got a moment… well,
Something weird is going on.
Tags: music video, review
I wish we all had this kind of an outlet for our opinions.
August 2013 = White history month!
The North American tour is most likely cancelled.
When did I find this out you ask? When I showed up at “The Chamber” in NYC last night to see them.
So here’s the deal.
My wife works as a technician at a veterinary hospital.
It is owned by a couple.
A couple of guys.
They are married.
To each other.
They ONLY hire gay doctors as apart of their staff. (OK actually there is ONE straight guy in the staff, but I bet he wasn’t hired for his ABILITY!)
My latest work “Curing Bricks” is up on http://www.myspace.com/zerobalance.
It’s a very diverse industrial tune.
Didn’t cry this time though…
Not as good?
Tags: industrial
My latest work “Thing-Kinda-Thing” is up on http://www.myspace.com/zerobalance if you’re bored.
So,…
I cried while writing this song.
True story.
It happened last Wednesday while writing the lead guitar solo. (at the end, during the song’s fade-out.)
I’m not talking about Waa Boo Hoo bawlin’ here. But I DID shed a tear in my right eye.
It’s the equivelant of watching your children on the playground and suddenly it hits you…”Wow, those are my beautiful kids (notes) right there on the swings. They came from ME!”
Although it’s the first time it’s happened during one of my OWN songs, it’s not the first time it’s happened at all.
One particular moment it occurs is during a melody from the movie The Good The Bad and The Ugly. It’s when the “Ugly” fellow first stumbles upon the graveyard.
It’s called “Ecstacy of Gold” by film composer Ennio Morricone, if anyone wants to check it out.
Anyway, there is something about certain rare songs, the way the notes fit JUST right, that turns me into an emotional little girl inside.
So my question is:
Does this happen to anyone else? With music or any other artform?
I don’t understand the reason for the feeling.
It’s pretty pointless…
(or on the parkway, at least)
http://www.porsche.com/all/cayenne2005/
The Turbo S model can pull under 5 second 0-60s.
I know there are plenty of cheaper cars that can keep up with that.
(WRX STI Mr ArchAngel sir)
However, you gotta give it credit for having sort-of a wagon/SUV style body…
I’m not typically a Porshe fan, but I am not ready to argue with 520 horses either.
Opinions?
Tags: cars
My latest tune if finally available after days of “processing”.
http://www.myspace.com/zerobalance
Up6 – Exponential Tablature
Check it.
Since we seem to have a few car buffs on here I thought I’d mention the news about the Dodge Charger becoming the new NYC police “cruiser”. It’s going to look pretty badass, I think.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060209/ap_on_re_us/nypd_muscle_cars_1
I also read that they are testing the Dodge Magnum as a replacement to the SUV support vehicle class.
I think that would be a brilliant choice. How do I figure that?
Here, I’ll show my work.
(Cargo space) minus (rollover factor) plus (beef) equals cool.
Tags: cars
So heres the deal.
For those of you who don’t know (or care to remember), I have two kids. Boy-Girl twins. They are almost 5 and getting closer to a cool age where toys are fun for the both of us and video games, well, let’s just say I’m going to teach them Tetris and Street-Fighter AND BLOW THE PANTS OFF OF THEM. (I’m too immature to be one of those caring dads that can let their kids beat them at stuff.)
Soon, I will be forcing, er um, I mean hoping that they will follow the same industrial and punk influences that I do.
BUT FOR NOW it’s just non-stop nursery song stuff, which brings me to today’s rant.
We watch the Noggin channel or Nick-JR A LOT. There are a few shows that actually have decent tunes on them.
Take “Lazytown”.
All the music is written in a “I’m a Barbie-Girl” dance/pop style. It’s not bad at all. (For childrens music. Give me some credit.)
Then there’s this chick Lori Berkner who has some good jams between shows.
So what’s my problem? You want to know? Really?
It’s that none of these songs will be remembered 20 years from now! Who the f*ck made the rule that only certain songs, written 200 years ago, are allowed to be passed on through the generations.
Examples?
I got dozens and you know them all too.
“London Bridge is Falling Down.”
“I’m a Little Tea pot”
“Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” (grossly plagiarized by the ABC song, yet no lawsuit… WTF?)
THESE SONGS ARE BAD. HORRIBLE.
Some are even sung purposely off-key. Example “On top of Spa-get-teeee”
Shoot me.
No, not me.
The moron who came up with that one. Shoot him.
If I could go back and see that song as it was being written. Maybe by some lumberjack taking a break, back in 1810. I’d swipe it from his hands. Read it out loud, so that he can hear how stupid it sounds, then rip it up and tell him to get back to choppin or you’re fired.
What’s aggravating is, that you can’t stop it.
When my kids are 25, I’ll ask them if they remember a show called Lazytown and maybe, after thinking for a second, they will get a vague picture of the show BUT the music will be lost to them.
YET if I we’re to start singing “There’s a hole in the bucket, Eliza Eliza…”
They’d be slappin’ their knee and singing right along with me.
As some of you here know, I amateurishly write music from time to time.
My latest tune “Sibling Rivalry” is up on this site.
http://www.myspace.com/zerobalance
If anyone would like to add some lyrics and make us both rich….
(I don’t own a microphone, nor a singing talent.)
As he tapped his fingers on his desk, Future-Man struggled to figure out how to convince his latest nemisis “50′s-Guy”, that the next millenium has much more to offer than the previous one. He wanted to bring them something. Show them something amazing. His eyes unintentionally focused onto his cell-phone, and there he found his answer…
Trip log 279 – Mail/Womens-rights – 10/7/1952
KRRZZOO!
Walking into the 1950′s, Future-Man rubbed his temples before reaching for his cell phone.
It was not there. At least not in the same way it was before. From his pocket, Future-Man pulled a bundle of parts that resembled a cell-phone, but in reality was just a mess of junk.
“Damn. It wouldn’t let me take it. But why is my watch not destroyed?”
Staring at his analog watch, Future-Man came to realize that the portal doesn’t allow artifacts of newer technology to cross into older time fields. Either the portal, or the laws of time itself, prevent it. The only exception being his return-beacon which looks surpisingly plain anyway.
“My cell-phone better find itself in working order when I return!” Future-Man grunted, although he wasn’t really sure where to direct the threat. He could only hope that the process would reverse itself.
The phone cost him 250 dollars, after all.
Future-Man was standing next to a fence near 50′s-Guy’s house. From around the corner, he could hear a conversation. Happily, he decided to introduce himself.
That didn’t happen.
As he turned the corner, Future-Man saw a greater challange than he had expected.
It was 50s-Gal.
The first time Future-Man was introduced to 50s-Guy’s wife, he found himself sorely outmatched in wit. He drew in a deep breath and tried to cover up his shock at the mere sight of this woman. It takes a few days to recharge the portal, so any thoughts of cancelling the trip were quickly erased, and besides, Future-Man felt he was better prepared this time. He knew not to underestimate this woman, and with that, he started toward her.
50′s-Gal was talking to her mailman when Future-Man approached. The mailman offered a quick smile and a nod before continuing on his route, carrying a sack labeled U.S. POSTAL on his back.
50′s-Gal turned to face Future-Man. “How ya doin’? Back already? I heard you were just here a few days ago.”
“Yeah, I was here when your husband was working on his car. Is he around”? Future-Man asked, hoping for an escape.
“You came a bit early. He’ll be home from work in about an hour.”
Future-Man knew he didn’t have time to wait. This was it. He had to think of something. He thought of the mailman as he continued delivering mail down the street.
“So the mail is delivered by hand in your time?” said Future-Man.
“Well, sometimes a truck will come around, but mostly the mail is delivered by a man with a cart or a bag. They are always on time and friendly about it too.” 50′s-Gal explained, growing curious about the future’s mail system. “Let me guess.” she continued “The mail of the future is delivered instantly right onto your breakfast table every morning, right?”
HA! Future-Man laughed to himself, but tried hard not to look smug.
“As a matter of fact, we have something called E-mail. Letters that are transmitted instantly to a monitor. It’s like a TV, but for getting your mail.”
“That sounds nice, but what about bills, Birthday cards, and packages?”
Future-Man knew what she was getting at. She did this to him the last time they talked. She would pick apart his information in search of flaws.
Not this time, he swore.
“Some bills can be paid using that same tv device, but for actual packages, cards and solid stuff, we still have the same mail service you do. With many alternatives too! UPS, DHL, Federal Express,… there are many other companies who can do the job, just as well.”
Future-Man stared hard at 50′s-Gal wondering if she was even listening.
Shuffling through her mail, she finally looked up and said “There’s talk that one day the cost of sending a letter may reach a nickel. Does this ever happen?”
Future-Man wanted to laugh, but for fear of giving too much away, he held back. “The cost of sending a standard letter costs quite a few nickels, actually. The price is raised a little at at time, so we hardly notice.”
50′s-Gal was quick to question this. “So with every increase in price, do you see an increase in service? I can’t imagine it getting any better than it is now.”
Future man knew he was in trouble. As he watched the mailman stroll from house to house, his thoughts shifted to his own mailman. Or mailperson. He hardy could tell from his house because all the mailboxes on his block were on the far side of the street. This made it easier for the mailtruck to make it’s stops without having to turn around.
By now, Future_Guy was visibly upset. He was paying so much more for the mail service, only to cross the street, in the cold, or the rain, just to get his mail.
50′s-Gal had forced him on the defensive and they both knew it.
It was time to change the subject. Maybe assault her directly, although not so obviously, of coarse. Must always keep the conversation pleasant in case he ever wanted to come back and talk some more.
Future-Man looked her in the face. She looked a wreck, truth be told. No make-up. Hair in curlers. Even her choice of clothes… it was time to attack.
“So… enough mail-talk. How have you been? Working much?”
It was a subtle move, knowing that career women in the 1950′s were few and far between. The women’s movement hadn’t made demands of equal employment, yet… and that’s where Future-Man felt he had an advantage.
“I’ll say. If I don’t get the house cleaned and dinner started before the kids get home… forget it. My day is shot.”
Future-Man expected that answer, or one like it.
He had to make her take the bait. Try a new lure…
“Ever wanted to make some money for yourself?”
“Naa, I’m not much for nursing. The blood and stuff. You understand. And typing behind a desk all day, you can forget that.”
Future-Man knew he had her now. Trapped in her own ideals about what a woman is supposed to do for a paycheck. “In my time, women can become employed in just about any career they chose. Many big companies are owned and controlled by a woman!”
Take it, Future-Man thought. Bite the hook. I’ve got you now…
“What makes you think I’d be so thrilled to jump into the man’s world anyway? At home, I can take a break whenever I want. Watch TV. Invite a friend over for morning coffee. These are things you have to wait for the weekend to do. Am I right?”
What the hell? How did she turn this around so quickly? Recover. Recover. You’re OK.
He tried a different approach.
“Look, don’t you want to be self sufficient? Independant? The choice to become a full fledged member of America’s corporate union. Or government! Did I mention that? You can run for office! There are many…”
50′s-Gal interrupted. “Do women have to do this? I mean, are there any housewives in the future, or how about househusbands?”
That made Future-Man laugh. He honestly couldn’t think of a single couple where the man doesn’t work. Or even the woman for that matter. Except for a few business owners or rich doctors. Maybe their wives or husbands can stay home.
“No, I can’t think of any househusbands, and few housewifes.”
Future-Man wasn’t sure where to take this topic now.
Damn, he wished that cell-phone still worked.
50′s-Gal, on the other hand, wasn’t through yet. “It sounds like we’ve damned ourselves by forcing women into the job hunt. By just that one move, you have doubled the competition in the workforce. Which probably hurt the standard average income. Am I right?”
Future-Man shook his head. “No no, I make way more than the average man from your time. I actually make pretty good money for a man living in my own time.”
“That’s not the point. My question is: In the future, can one average man’s income, maintain a house, a car, two children in school and a stay-at-home wife?”
Future-Man threw his arms up in the air. “No alright! No it can’t. But there are other factors. The cost of living for example. Prices go up…”
“Like the mail?” 50′s-Gal smiled and crossed her arms.
Future-Man almost told her to shut up right then and there, but 50′s-Gal still wasn’t done yet.
“So either by force or by necessity, women are in the workforce and you think this is such a great achievement?”
Future-Man didn’t wait for his return-beacon to beep and tell him it was time to go. He started towards the corner and paused for just a moment before walking through the portal.
“Fine, you just sit around and watch TV or whatever, but get used to the idea of working outside the house because it’s coming. Equal rights, baby. Pay your own way, and you can forget about us holding doors open for you!”
KRRRPLOOOEEE
Future-Man leaned back against the wall of his home and thought himself an ass for the comments he made before returning. Although he felt a little better when thinking that in all likelyhood, that woman has died of old age, by now. Hell, he needed something to feel like he had some sort of a victory back there.
Come now, he thought, it wasn’t a total loss was it?
He relaxed and let his hands fall into his pockets.
And felt around.
His cell-phone was still broken.
Oh man, oh man. Did someone make a BIG mistake or what? Huh? Somehow I mistakingly got copied onto an email inviting me to participate in an exchange of knowledge. Opinions? Ideas? You actually WANT this from me? Let’s just call this a “probationary period” that way you can change your mind later, without hurting my feelings.
My posts will no doubt fill one of two categories:
1) The Old-Man whining about how things were better in the previous generations.
and
2) The humiliating stories from my life that I am only now mature enough to share.
First up.
ZBalance Rant #1
The year is 2005.
A man, let’s call him Future-Man, finds himself in the possession of a time portal. With this device, he travels the folds of decades back to the 1900s and shows off all that the ‘future’ will hold. Unfortunately, his trips don’t lead to the self-glorification he had hoped…
Trip log 278 – Automobiles – 10/2/1952
KRRRRZAP! Future-man walked through the portal and shook off the expected headache that usually accompanies him when taking the journey. As his eyes adjust, he spots a man polishing his hot rod. Future-Man recognized him as ’50′s-Guy’ and his last few attempts to impress him didn’t go quite as planned.
50′s-Guy, not at all surprised by Future-Man’s sudden appearance, said “How’s it going?”
“Pretty good.” Future-Man replied. “I thought I’d share with you some more of the future’s glory.”
“Glory?” 50′s-Guy threw in, “You want to talk glory huh? Check out my 1933 Buick! Thats a V-8 your lookin’ at right there.”
Future-Man had to admit, the polished and completely exposed engine sure wasn’t something he was used to seeing outside of the NHRA circuit.
Future-Man scoffed, “This thing’s legal?”
50′s-Guy raised a brow, “I didn’t steal it if that’s what yer gettin’ at.”
“No! No!” Future-Man was quick to point out, “I meant, is it street-legal? You know… inspectible!”
Sir, your welcome to inspect this beauty all you like. She’s as much for looking-at as she is for drivin’.” 50′s-Guy then leaned against the back tire.
Future-Man explained while pacing, “In the future, the state government sets standards that all vehicles must pass in order to drive on a public street. Environmental and safety concerns are all taken into account before a you are allowed to operate the vehicle off your property.”
50′s-Guy crossed his arms, “Look here. My hard earned money, not to mention sweat, went into this beauty. I’m not for lettin’ some suit tell me I can’t drive it.”
Future-Man sighed as he looked at the car. The sidewall exhaust pipes had no mufflers (or catalytic converters) of any kind. The oversized back tires made the front tires look like bike wheels. He’d have an easier time pointing out what would pass inspection on this beast. Though, he had to admit, it would be fun to drive.
50′s-Guy noticed that he may have hurt Future-Man’s feelings, “Well hey, I’m sure those regulations of yours don’t bother you guys as much. You got the new millenium! Flying cars and moving sidewalks, to get you where you want, right?”
Future-Man clenched his teeth before relaxing just a bit when a thought came to him. Hybrids!
“We have Hybrids in 2005! These are autos that can run on gas and electricity!”
50′s-Guy was genuinely impressed. “Well these Hi-Braids do sound powerful, but do they roar like this?” He jumped over the Buick’s door and cranked the engine for a moment. His pride swelled as Future-Mans teeth rattled.
When 50′s-Guy finished, Future-Man continued, “Well they aren’t really meant for power… they are designed to be more efficient. They use far less gas and…”
50′s-Guy interrupted, “GAS? Who cares about gas? It’s the tires that cost me. Do they get any cheaper in the future?”
“No, not really. Gas prices however, have practically tripled in just a single year.”
“So who’s raisin’ the prices? Just go punch ‘em in the nose. Trust me, the prices will settle on down after that.” 50′s-Guy offered.
Again Future-Man was at a loss. “Many members of OPEC are Islamic and our punch-’em-in-the-nose tactics haven’t panned out so well of late…”
Thouroughly confused, 50′s-Guy, asked “You mean those Japs? How’d they end up gettin’ all the gas after what we did to them?”
Suddenly Future-Man’s timer beeps off reminding him that the portal will soon close. There was no time to finish explaining.
Watching Future-Man wave goodbye and head towards the portal, 50′s-Guy added, “Thanks again friend, but the future sounds like somewhere I ain’t need to see anytime soon!”
Future-Man walked back through the portal. Defeated again.