Worst Transformer Ever

Masterchief points us to a post at toplessrobot.com about a new Transformer named Jetfire. Here is a photo of him:

Jetfire the Autobot

As you can see, he is holding a cane. Because he’s old. And old robots can’t walk good. They need canes. Robot canes. Because, you know… I’m sorry, why can’t you just fix the fucking robot? New servos, some scrap metal, an acetylene torch and wire nuts? I mean, Wreck-gar and the Junkions (which is an excellent band name) are literally built from the crap other Transformers threw in the garbage, yet to the best of my knowledge, none of them require canes. Thank you, Michael Bay!

The icing on the cake is that Jetfire combines with Optimus Prime! I can only imagine he turns into, like, a seat cover. Or maybe a dashboard compass. But probably a seat cover.

3 thoughts on “Worst Transformer Ever”

  1. I agree. Jetfire was always cool in the day although a complete ripoff of Robotech style. (Search: Classic Battletech – Phoenix Hawk. The original version is a dead-on duplicate.)

    However, isn’t this much like Superman in a wheelchair? Just fly everywhere!

    You know there’s going to be some good explanation for it. “Newer parts are impossible to retrofit” or “He keeps his wounds as a reminder of all the comrades he lost under his command.”
    It isn’t hard to write this stuff. It’s the billion dollar special effects that make the movie anyway.
    Explosions erase plot holes. That’s why there are so many of them.

  2. I like it !!!

    Time that this society started placing value in the knowledge of the ancients. Makes it sound worthwhile when you put it that way. But unfortunately that knowledge is locked inside decaying bodies; such is matter, or grey matter to be more specific.

    I’d like to think that Jetfire is like those old CinemaScope lenses created by some craftsman in the old movie studio system, and now dead. Or Stradivarius and his violins. The knowledge flourished in one blessed instant of time and is now gone to dust, along with the bodies of the creator/innovators.

    Jetfire is special and cannot be remade; he is a work of art, a masterpiece. The knowledge he carries is so intertwined with his physical makeup that it cannot be fully extracted and stored elsewhere.

    Hey, are those rocket launchers coming out of his chest ?? I recall an older anime robot: Aphrodite, companion of Mazinger-Z. She had two torpedoes that launched out of her bosom, after which she was a very plain girl. Quite a sight for us 8 year olds.

  3. HA HA! I remember those chest rockets! You said torpedoes. That’s even better. They would never allow that on daytime TV anymore.
    How the heck do you remember her name? I guess I spent too much time staring at the torpedoes. I thought the main robot was Tranzor Z. I had the toy, but maybe I’m thinking of something else.

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