October 2004

All California voters have the option to use the paper ballots over the electronic voting machines. However, some counties are telling poll workers to not inform the voters. This includes Orange County! If you - like me - don’t trust the machines, you have to specifically ask for the paper ballot. You can read more in this EFF press release.

Some common sense is finally showing up in social network software. Friendster now allows you to import address books from many different sources. To allay your fears, it does not automatically spam them with invites. That would be bad, as my Outlook contacts is filled with old addresses I don’t want to get rid of, just in case I’m ever the last man on earth. Like that hot girl from French class, who I haven’t talked to in a while. Automatically sending her an invite would be even more creepy than keeping her address even though we haven’t spoken in ages, and I never had a shot. You know what I mean.
&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp The best part is that Friendster shows you who’s already a member, so you don’t feel like you’re bugging them. It also remembers who you already invited (and never got back to you), so you don’t bug them twice. This helps me minimize the appearance of being a desperate, social outcast, which is something I look for in a social networking service.

Tell me something I don’t already know…

If you’re a fan of possibly the best comedy to come out of Britain since Monty Python’s Flying Circus, then Check out the BBC AMERICA for the Christmas Special of “The OFFICE” which provides a much appreciated resolve to the critically acclaimed and widely embraced cast of characters.

The Two season series ended somewhat sadly with what most knew was realistically inevitable: Brent becomes redundant. Tragic - as it seems to end the show prematurely– though undoubtedly leaving everyone wanting more from the clearly overly-competent Ricky Gervais. Probably a smart career move for the writer/director/actor not to get stuck in a role that could potentially have gone on for years.

The Xmas special brings us up to date on what everyone’s been up to since the cameras stopped rolling on Wernham Hogg and shortly after the BBC has aired it’s ‘documentary’. We find it’s left Brent as a Z-List Celebrity though still making ends meet in Sales. One of the biggest highlights of the special is the sneak peak at Brent’s failed attempt at a Pop Career with his privately funded (the money from his redundancy package) music video, a version of “If you don’t know me by now” The video is rumored to be released as an actual single though Gervais denies this.

The 80 Minute Special delivers the same endearing punch of the series; keeping you writhing in Brent’s embarrassment and arrogance, hoping for Tim to finally win over the beautiful Dawn, and watching Garreth’s attempts at militaristic-Managerial-leadership be repeatedly undermined. The program provides just the ending a show of this comedic distinction deserved. Look for it on BBC America.

Till you see the special you might enjoy a remix of the Theme coupled with quotes from the show and memorable Brent-isms. It’s kind of ‘the streets meets the Office’. Check it out at Diffusiononline.net. Scroll down to the Office.

Bank of America doesn’t carry my Looney Toons checks anymore, and doesn’t put current check designs online, since they don’t need more money. So I had to check out (pun intended, bitch) third parties to find something cool. And something cool I found: X-men checks! They kick ass, and demonstrate my mutant banking powers. I also found a bunch of other cool checks:

• Spidey

• Old-school Marvel
• The Simpsons
• Looney Toons
• Looney Toons II
• Peanuts

There are many checks for those young and old. If you’re 8, and somehow have a checking account, there’s Spongerobert Rectangulartrousers. And if you’re over 40, and live with as many cats, you are golden. There are so many lame check designs that your head will explode. I recommend Strawberry Shortcake riding a pegasus that’s f#cking a unicorn (set of four scenes).

They go by “Les Seules”, which means the loners, or outsiders. They’re cute, and they kick ass. At Counterstrike.
     Seven Swedish and Danish girls, aged 16-25 (almost good enough for Castle Anthrax), have formed a team to compete in the world of video game tournaments. They’re currently sponsored by NVIDIA. They took fourth in the female division of the 2004 Electronic Sports World Cup in Paris, kicking the counter-struck asses of the American and Brazillian teams. In other news, there’s an electronic sports World Cup.

Read more (and see pics) here:

• NVIDIA UK

• AP story at Yahoo

Sean Penn, who was thoroughly skewered in Team America (along with a lot of other actors), wrote an angry letter to Matt and Trey. However, it wasn’t about his portrayal in the movie.
     Apparently, he takes issue with Matt and Trey taking issue with “Sean” Piddy Comb’s “Vote or Die” campaign. They think if you’re not informed, there’s no shame in not voting.

What’s wrong with that?

Hell, in my younger, more arrogant days (Yes, even more arrogant than now. Perhaps way more.), I was all for a meritocratic democracy. In other words, a sign at the voting booth would say “You must be this intelligent to vote.” It’d weed out those too dumb to make a smart choice.
     So I’ve backed off on that a bit. Frankly, there’s more than enough info to make an informed decision, even if you’re an idiot. Just think of what’s important to you, and go to one of the 3 bajillion web sites that talk about how the candidates feel about it. For me, it’s pretty easy. I care about my career. My career is currently in the Aerospace and Defense industries. Is it not obvious to even the most casual of observers who will spend more money in that area? It isn’t? Oh. Well, Kerry wants to shut down missile defense, and Bush wants to put a man on the moon. (And if that doesn’t explain it, please pay heed to the sign.) My other hope is to quit work and start a small business, and Bush looks to be the right guy for that, too. Everyone seems to be asking Kerry what he’ll do for small businesses, while leaving Bush alone on that one (his plan is to cut welfare and social security to give small businesses a 3% tax break - hurray!). I’ll take that as a sign.
     If you’re gay, and you want to get married (which I think you should have every right to do), you don’t want the guy who wants to amend the Constitution (?!?) to stop you. Heck, I don’t really want him either, but my choices are limited.

The genre where Roger Ebert and I have our rare disagreements is what I call “pure comedy”. These are movies designed to make you laugh the whole way through, plot and character development be damned. I love a well crafted film as much as the next guy, but if I’m laughing hysterically throughout the whole film, that’s good enough. For him, not so much.
     Team America falls into that category. It’s being billed as an equal opportunity offender, and that’s about right. It attacks the whiney liberal actors and the at-all-costs right wingers with equal aplomb. As well as formula action movies. It’s pretty hilarious throughout.
     The whole thing is done with puppets, inspired by the series The Thunderbirds, and some of the humor is from puppets trying to show drama (or walking, or having sex). They thought it would be a great way to make fun of formula action flicks, especially 80’s Bruckheimer films. Actually, their original plan was to do an all-puppet version of The Day After Tomorrow, which they thought was already very funny. Without the “benefit” of having seen that film, I think this was probably the right way to go.

So, if you didn’t already know, The DeBeers Company pretty much controls both supply and demand of diamonds to artificially inflate prices. And, they have nothing to do with beer. An article from The Straight Dope clears things up. Also, the next big threat is artificial diamonds, which are pretty much indistinguishable from the real thing, except they’re a little too perfect. Wired has a big article about that.
     So, if you’re trying to get out of spending a fortune for a diamond ring, you have a lot of evidence that supporting the diamond industry is akin to supporting African poverty and blood feuds. And if that fails, you should soon be able to by a cheap, flawless diamond. Spend the rest on something the whole family can use, like gambling.

Bill Cosby made a speech for the 50th anniversary of Brown vs. The Board of Education (Brown won). It was focused on the 50% dropout rate for inner city black males. Somehow, the media got a hold of it and tried to portray it as classist, which is just ridiculous. The speech itself is inspirational, funny in parts, and makes a ton of sense. There’s a lot about personal responsibility. You can find a transcript of it here.

A coworker is going to be out for knee surgery, and said he’d be back on Monday. Our secretary insists he wants to be back on Friday. No he doesn’t. He doesn’t even want to be here Monday-Thursday. Or weekends. He comes in because he has to, just like the rest of us. But you can skip all that if you just take my advice and win the lottery.

Lottery winners get craploads of money, and it only costs a dollar. So it’s totally worth it. You just gotta make sure you get the right ticket. Trust me, it’s easier than it sounds. Some tips…

Don’t pick a previous winning number. Have you ever heard of the same number winning twice, in any lottery? Me neither. You can get the winning numbers off the internet - for free! This cuts out thousands of useless numbers. If you don’t do this, you’re just wasting money.

Bribe the 7-11 guy. Obviously, this guy’s already won, or else he wouldn’t have a 7-11. Don’t tell me you come fresh off the boat and say, “I need a 7-11″, and they just give you one. Those things are freakin’ expensive. You gotta win the lottery first. So a lot of foreigners know how to pick the right numbers. But don’t ask a foreigner who’s selling oranges, or writing software, ’cause they haven’t figured it out yet (oranges and computers are cheap, compared to 7-11s). Also, don’t think they had money when they came here, ’cause if you had mad fat stacks of cash - 7-11 money - you’d be big pimpin’ back in your third world hood, with all sorts of fly honeys. Not running a 7-11 in the States, that’s for sure.

Get a job cleaning the lotto machine. Those machines work by blowing ping-pong balls around, and grabbing the winning balls from the top. Just tell them you need to wash the balls, and then inject the non-winning numbers with something to weigh them down, like heroin. You probably already have that in your needle, anyway. And you can always get more heroin, ’cause you’re gonna win the lottery. In fact, you might even win a few lotteries in a row, before everyone catches on. If you do this, ignore the rule about not picking previous winning numbers.

There are other ways, but they might be illegal, so I won’t talk about them here. Remember, rich people make their own luck. But that’s another topic for another time.

So when I tell you about the awesomeness that is the Strongbad email, you should be saying, “duh”. ‘Cause you knew about it like only a million years ago. Pfffffft. But if you’re not saying that, you have a crapload of hilarious web pages to go through. And also, you’re not as cool as me (but you knew that). So get crackin’! Also, there are a lot of easter eggs, especially at the end of the episodes, so you end up waving your mouse cursor all over the damn screen like you’ve got Parkinson’s, searching for a cool extra tidbit. And it’s worth it.

Apologies to those with Parkinson’s. Peace.