September 2004

I was just watching the “making of” featurette of The Girl Next Door. The producer (I think) said “the studio” thought Elisha Cuthbert was good enough to play a girl next door, but might not be sexy enough to be portray a porn star.

Genius.

You get a girl as hot as Elisha, and make her convince you she can play sexy. This was a great bargaining tactic, as she said on the commentary she didn’t want to do full-nude like “the studio” wanted. So they tell her, “actually, we’re not even sure you’re sexy enough the play the part.”

Brilliant.

So still no full-nude, but way closer, and a fantastic performance that made me think, “Wow, it looks like she’s actually had sex before.” For those never blessed by her visage, I got some great wallpaper here. Ah, what the heck, this blog could use some eye candy…

As a seafood lover, I try to stay abreast of which species are deadly killers. An Eco Defense website has a nice chart telling you which ones are safe to eat (including catfish, clams, crabs, scallops, wild salmon) and which are slowly poisoning you (orange roughy, shark, swordfish, farmed salmon). There are several others on the list, and it also gives info on which are being over-fished, and how much of the deadly ones you can eat, based on gender and age (yours, not the fish’s). Pay attention to locations on the chart and at the supermarket; for example, most Alaskan fish is ok, but if caught from different areas or farmed, it may contain unsafe levels of mercury or other toxins.

Apparently a fellow Westminster resident and waitress was displeased with a couple customers hitting on her. Allegedly, she followed the standard protocol in the restaurant industry, which is to call your thug boyfriend and have the customers killed. This took place in the Hawaii Cafe in Garden Grove, now closed for “remodeling”.

Articles:
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/6028638/
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-cafe17sep17,1,7921713.story?coll=la-headlines-california

Solution: The International CXT.

It’s a pickup, I guess, in the same way the ocean is “wet”. Understatements abound. It is, without a doubt, not what Jesus would drive.

For those concerned about fuel economy, the government has a website devoted to it, complete with hybrid car/truck comparisons. From this, it’s no wonder the Prius has up to an 8 month wait.

On the 3rd anniversary of September 11th, HBO just happens to show Executive Decision. If you can’t recall what it’s about, I’ll remind you. Kurt Russell and a special forces team sneak onto a Boeing passenger jet to stop Islamic terrorist hijackers from taking it to Washington to blow it up and release nerve gas into the city. The executive decision is whether the president should allow fighters jets to shoot it down. How appropriate! How sensitive!

“Happy 9/11 from all of us at HBO!”

Wankers.

I’ve recently been burned by half.com and ebay, and while I don’t think they’re dangerous, you need to take a few precautions to protect yourself:

Upon winning a bid or purchasing an item, send an email to the seller to make sure they’re sending you exactly what you want.

For example, even though the product description said the DVD was widescreen, the seller didn’t check it, and sent full frame. Granted, full frame DVDs should all be destroyed on principle, which is why they’re often cheaper. So always make sure you’re getting exactly what you expect, ’cause darn it, only the director’s cut of Kangaroo Jack will do.

Ask for a shipping confirmation email with tracking number.

The ship times afforded to sellers are, in my opinion, overly generous. Sometimes 3 weeks. I’m sorry, but when we’re talking about that mediocre movie where that ingenue I’m in love with is topless for 6 seconds, I don’t have that kind of time. If you have a tracking number, you can be reasonably sure it’s not arriving via asthmatic pack mule.

Lose your patience.

Hey, I’m not telling you to be a jerk about it. Be polite, but understand that you’ve got a limited window (60 days, maybe) to get a refund. I was very patient with a seller, as there was some communication between us. Next thing I know, they’re no longer registered, their feedback dropped like a rock, and half.com is telling me it’s too late to file a claim. Another time, I waited until the last day it had to arrive (the aforementioned 3 weeks), and the seller’s response was, “Sorry, I never got the order.” While probably a lie, since I received both the “order received” and “order confirmed” emails, he did give me an immediate refund. Still a big waste of time. Better to yell early, then give good feedback.

Tired of juggling 7 different remotes, I recently purchased a universal remote known as The Automator. It replaces up to 10 different remotes, and so far we have it controling our cable box, receiver, HDTV, DVD player, and most importantly, TiVo. That was the hardest remote to replace, since it’s so wonderfully ergonomic. It’s still not a perfect fit, but close.
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Apparently, I’m a Republican. I don’t remember signing up, but I am a huge supporter of Schwarzenegger, and I took an online test that pointed me in that direction. I guess I acted on it, because today I received a census form from the RNC.
    The letter explained that it wanted my opinions, and they would count for my entire voting district. Wow! I was excited. I like having my opinions counted, mainly because they’re better than most people’s. Finally, I’d get to tell the RNC what really matters to smart Republicans:

• Personal investing over Social Security
• Alternative fuel research
• School choice
• Eliminating censorship
• Flat tax
• Higher education
• Space and defense (i.e., my paycheck)
• Eliminating the deficit
• Allowing gay marriages, as banning them violates separation of church and state, and is a real dick move to boot.

I really wanted to sound off on these issues. Tell them to be more like Arnold and less like George. Maybe they’d even have a write-in section! I was prepared to fix the party.

Alas, this was not to be the case.

All of the questions had yes/no/undecided answers, and worded so they’d be hard to say “no” to. Examples:

Do you support President Bush’s initiatives to promote the safety and security of all Americans?
Should the Inheritance or “Death Tax” be permanently repealed?
Do you support President Bush’s pro-growth policies to create more jobs and improve the economy?
Should small business be encouraged to grow and hire more workers?

Even controversial issues were worded carefully:

Do you support President Bush’s initiative to allow private religious and charitable groups to do more to help those in need?

Huh. I’m not sure about special breaks for religious groups, even though I’m a Christian. I mean, why didn’t we always do this? Was there a good reason? Was it being taken advantage of, perhaps by unscrupulous people forming religious groups to live off taxpayers. I don’t know. But I’m definitely for helping those in need, so “Yes”.

It went on like this. I could only give a definitive no to one question:

Do you support the President’s efforts to save Social Security and add a prescription drug benefit to Medicare?

See, I know Social Security needs to be fixed, not just band-aided over, and probably won’t exist by the time I retire. And the Medicare bill Congress passed is going to cost us a fortune that we don’t have. So, ok, that’s definitely a bad idea, even though it sounds like I hate old people and want them to die penniless and sick.
    I have a sneaking suspicion, however, that they didn’t care about my opinions at all, and were just looking for a *gasp* donation. I don’t know, I’m probably reading into things. Why don’t you read the final question, and tell me if I’m wrong:

Will you join the Republican National Committee by making a contribution today?
o Yes, I support the RNC and am enclosing my most generous contribution of:
o $500   o $250   o $50   o $25   o Other $_________
o Yes, I support the RNC, but I am unable to participate at this time. However, I have enclosed $11 to cover the cost of tabulating my survey.
o No, I favor electing liberal Democrats over the next ten years.

All questions were copied directly from the survey. At no point did I embellish the questions or answers.

This is as much a reminder to myself as it is an invite to those interested. Here are some concerts I’m planning to attend:

House of Blues Anaheim
I like this one because parking’s a cinch, as it’s in Downtown Disney. This also makes it a somewhat ironic venue.

9-22   Ministry with My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult and Hanzel Und Gretyl
11-15 KMFDM - 20th Anniversary Tour with support DJ? Acucrack

Avalon
Never been there, used to be Hollywood Palace. Found this post on their forum about parking, should make it easier/cheaper. And weekday events should help, too.

10-12 Badly Drawn Boy

I’ll also be at Avalon for The Pixies, but that’s sold out. And I would have mentioned The Beastie Boys at Universal Amphitheatre, but all that’s left are extreme-stage-left nosebleed seats.

If you’ve ever wondered what it was like for writers of Golden Age comic books, I heartily recommend The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon (The Wonder Boys). The two heros are comic book pioneers whose basic background closely resembles that of Siegel and Shuster, the creators of Superman.
     The level of detail in setting and and character were truly awe inspiring. Most of the story takes place in late 1930s-40s NYC, and I couldn’t tell where fact ended and fiction began. It’s a masterful book that feels exhaustively researched.
     Michael Chabon received the Pulitzer Prize for it, joining some of my other favorite authors: Roger Ebert, Dave Barry, and Scott McNeely. Who says I’m not cultured?

Kevin Smith has decided to make a sequel to Clerks. I seem to recall him saying that this would never happen, so why now? It’s a confidence builder, both for him and Miramax. After the relatively poor performance of Jersey Girl ($10M loss before video), he wants to do something low cost ($5M) and high profit. In other words, a great investment/gift for Miramax.
     If this sounds familiar, it should. It’s exactly what he did after Mallrats tanked ($2M gross, $6M budget): make Chasing Amy for $250K, which grossed over $12M.

This might sound harsh, and if you don’t like it, you can read E!’s more subtlely biased version. Smith’s “cranking out” a screenplay? Somehow I doubt that, a-hole.